Wednesday, January 31, 2007

What say you? Celebrities speak out about love and sex

You ever wonder how other people feel on the topics sex and love? These celebrity quotes are quite revealing. From All-Star. (Thanks to Elaine L. for sharing.)

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." --Tom Clancy

Ah, Mr. Clancy, with your best-seller list status you can certainly afford to buy a whole lot of whoopee, can’t you?

"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." --Steve Martin

All too true of too many guys, I’m afraid. Sigh!

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen

Woody should know about “good partners” shouldn’t he? Poor guy ended up sleeping with his stepdaughter!

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday
night." --Rodney Dangerfield

But only if you hang out where there are a lot of other bisexuals and/or gays, right?

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." --Lynn Lavner

Hmm, I don’t know… Expensive cars don’t do a thing for me. You’re better off showing me a well-made vibrator, Lynn.

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." --Matt Barry

What would you like to see “stuffed” next, Matt? With an attitude like that, I can predict you’re not getting any for a long time!

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns

No wonder the man live to be over a hundred!

"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships." --Sharon Stone

Bingo! And men wonder why many women feel sometimes like they have to fake the big O… A faker only deserves a fake—right, guys?

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

Hopefully she’s not reading your bank statements, Mr. Jobs.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson

With an ungrateful child like you… Well, “poor woman” is all I can say.

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." --Barbara Bush

True enough! (And he can’t keep from bragging about how much of it he got, either.)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams

That’s only because the man couldn’t keep his genitals in his pants in the presence of other women, Robin.

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne

Enough said!

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal

We need a place, too… Preferably a well-kept, penthouse suite that you’ve set us up in on Park Avenue, Mr. Crystal.

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." --Robert De Niro

Gratitude can never be underrated.

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" --Dustin Hoffman

Well, if it causes something to swell so large that it explodes and falls off, that could be a problem. A big problem!

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."--Jerry Seinfeld

And then…what happens? See, that’s why men’s magazines need more articles on sexual techniques.

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." --Rod Stewart

Me! Me! You don’t like me, Mr. Stewart. Can I have a house, too?

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams

Which only goes to prove that old adage, “A man’s brains are located in his pants.”

What say you? You think some of these celebrity remarks about love and sex are on the mark or completely out in left field? Is it “nature” or “nuture” that makes these celebs say the things they’ve said?

Personally, I find a lot of these celebrity remarks on the downer side. That’s why I enjoy reading and writing romance… A little sparkle, a fantasy that true love can be found and your perfect sexual partner exists on this planet and will find you—this dream makes it all worthwhile and keeps you going day after day.

Here's a quote that pretty much sums it up for me: "A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses."-- Sohan Powar

Here’s to romance!


keatonkat said...

Do you ever wonder if it's what they really think or what they think people will remember them saying?

Anonymous said...

Good point. Do you think their publicists write these celebs' "off the cuff" comments?

I wouldn't put it past them!