Celine's Dreams

A Rose by Any Other Name?

2012-01-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

I suffer from a horrible affliction that haunts many writers… No, I don’t mean low to non-existent sales, although my bank account would say that is indeed a horrible affliction. What plagues my writing is coming up with good, catchy titles for my works.

And by “catchy” what I really mean is “short”.

This isn’t always the case. My upcoming eXtasy release is entitled Blood Betrayal. That’s a pretty short and fairly accurate title since it deals with vampires. Beautiful Dreamer and Seven for Seduction (shortened from a much longer title) are fairly brief and to the point, too. My contemporary erotic-romances A Middle Class Existence and Gifts Well-Timed have short titles that I feel are strong and descriptive, but I’m not always certain readers realize how truly hot these stories are, so perhaps they could be better. But some of my personal favorite titles are my—and my publishers’— longest.

My print novel Help! I’m Falling for the Vampire Next Door is still selling well, although the publisher’s webmaster informed me that I had to shorten my future titles. I guess it’s difficult listing a title over a certain number of characters on the Liquid Silver Books web site.

Long isn’t necessarily better, it seems. Long means more words for a potential reader to type into a search engine to find your book online. Long doesn’t help you promote your work online, since you can get a cramp from just typing the title, let alone the synopsis and purchase link.

But, somehow, I can’t help myself.

I mean… how more descriptive can Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates) be? Could it be catchier—uh, shorter? Hmm… I don’t know. That’s where my “writing affliction” comes into play.

I just can’t make up my mind about it—should I shorten Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures? Would it help sales if I did? Would a shorter title attract new readers? What other title would tell readers that this is a humorous, science fiction, erotic-romance series starring a young and vivacious heroine named Brandi?

I need help—and I need it soon, because selling books is my sole income at the moment.

Since I’m afflicted with indecision (as well as “title-itis”) I’ve decided to let you, the readers, make up my mind. You can vote on what you think is the best course of action. The poll is located at the top right side of the page and will be open until the end of February. Thanks for your input and thanks for helping me get my writing career on track!

Here’s the “log line” for the series for inspiration:

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill, Futurama and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it‘s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

Poll Question: Should I change the title of my series Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures?

Voting choices:
1. Keep the series title the way it is—it’s absolutely perfect.
2. I’d come up with a shorter title if I were you.
(Please post your title suggestions in the comments section below. If you’re terribly shy, feel free to email them to me at celinechatillon@hotmail.com)
3. You’re absolutely bonkers! (But in a nice way.)
4. I might have to report you to somebody. (If I only knew who!)

If you’d like to read some excerpts from Brandi Whyne… please check them out at Brandi’s very own blog: http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com Thanks again.

Into the New Year with an Excerpt!

2012-01-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

We've made it into 2012--and the Mayan calendar is still up and running! :)

To celebrate the new year in style and to get in the mood for the upcoming Mardi Gras celebrations, here's a brief excerpt from my "Fantasy Games" story, Operation: Seduction!

Operation: Seduction!
by Celine Chatillon
eXtasy Books
http://www.extasybooks.com/operation-seduction-2/

Mallory wants some "superhero" hot fun in the boardroom with her shy co-worker "Kent Clarke". But can the gorgeous geek deliver?

"Stand up, Kent."

He frowned but continued typing.

All right, so be it. The man wouldn't know what was going to hit him next, but the hurricane was coming. I undid the leather belt at my waist and slid it out of my skirt loops.

"Stand up now, Kent Clarke, or you're going to be spanked like the naughty boy you are."

That got his attention. He looked up from his laptop screen with large blue eyes full of equal measures of fear and awe.

"Excuse me? Mallory, do you feel okay? I think you've been working too hard on this project."

I snapped the belt. "No, the problem is I haven't had you work hard on me yet. Now get up!"

Operation: Seduction!
Available at eXtasy Books:
http://www.extasybooks.com/operation-seduction-2

I've posted at least one excerpt from all my current releases (except from the Brandi Whyne series, which you can find here), so I'm open to suggestions for excerpt postings of your choice. Drop me email or post a comment below and let me know what you desire... Thanks.

The Coming New Year Brings a New Excerpt...

2011-12-20T13:30:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas (or "Happy Holidays" if that suits you better) and a Happy New Year! :-)

With the old year quickly passing, and the new year quickly approaching, what better than to post an excerpt about someone who experiences the passage of time a bit differently? And what better excerpt than from my time travel erotic-romance story, Hanging with a Time Surfer?

Hanging with a Time Surfer
by Celine Chatillon
Liquid Silver Books
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/hangingwithatimesurfer.htm

When Shelby meets the mysterious Quentin it's lust at first...grope. Deciding that it's time she made some changes in her life, Shelby agrees to accompany her new lover on a trip, only to discover that Quentin is indeed the rogue 42nd century time agent he says he is. Surfing the Time Vortex on his "time board”, the pair experience erotic adventures throughout history from the distant past to the Civil War era to the future… where an orgy ship houses an evil nemesis ready to cash in on the reward for Quentin's capture. Will Shelby be able to use her newly acquired sexual skills to save her man and return to St. Louis before it’s too late?

WARNING: This novel contains group sex, m/f/m, f/f, alien sex, oral sex, spanking, bondage

An excerpt from Hanging with a Time Surfer:

How can I say no to such a sexy man?

Shelby Schwartz moaned in her sleep and rolled to her back. It had been difficult drifting off to sleep in the weeks since Graham had left her, but tonight was different. Exhausted by a long day at the office, she had collapsed into bed and fallen quickly into a deep sleep. A deep, erotic-dream-filled sleep that made her hunger for a man’s intimate touch to pleasure her throbbing pussy... Instead she knew she would have to gratify her own sensual needs. Half asleep she reached over to the bedside table and groped around for her well-used vibrator.

She screamed as she felt the warmth of a human hand instead.

“Who are y-y-you?” she stammered, sitting up in bed and reaching for the lamp switch. The stranger removed her hand from the toggle before she could switch on the light and cradled it tenderly in both of his.

“No need to be upset. I won’t harm you. I was just passing through, and I heard you moaning in you sleep. I figured you needed a little... help.”

Help. Yeah, that’s exactly what she needed--help to find her phone and to dial 9-1-1 before she ended up chopped into soup-sized bits in this maniac’s food processor.

“I... I didn’t realize my voice carried quite so well through these brick walls.” She slowly curled her legs beneath her, preparing to bolt from the opposite side of the bed, explode toward the exit and fly down the steps and out the front door before her visitor even had a chance to go for his machete. “Or maybe I need to replace the windows. Pity, since the contractor told me they were top of the line.”

“Yes, there are. I can tell you’ve done a great job rehabbing this old brownstone. But don’t worry--it’s sound proof. I heard your sighs in my own dreams, and I surfed on in to investigate. Is this twenty-first century Saint Louis?”

Shelby blinked and stared hard toward the man with the resonant baritone voice kneeling next to her bed and holding her hands. She could only make out his silhouette in the darkness--and what a silhouette it was!

He was built like a Rams linebacker with broad, muscular shoulders tapering down to svelte waistline to what she could only assumed was a nice ass . And the big, strong hands that held hers made her imagine only how well-endowed he’d be in the crotch area... What a shame he was a common criminal who broke into single women’s homes and scared them half out of their wits at one o’clock in the morning. If she had brought him home from the bar she frequented after work, she would have been more than happy to put her vibrator away and ask if he’d like to help scratch her “itch”.

“Twenty-first century?” she said slowly, deliberately. Okay, maybe her visitor was just a plain ol’ delusional psycho and not a chainsaw murderer or run-of-the-mill rapist. If she could keep him talking, she stood a chance of getting out of this situation unharmed. “What century do you think you live in? The eighteenth?”

Shelby could have sworn she heard a smile in the stranger’s silky voice as he answered, “Why, the forty-second, of course.”

Hanging With a Time Surfer is available at Liquid Silver Books and in Kindle formats at Amazon:
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/hangingwithatimesurfer.htm

The Gift of an Excerpt...

2011-12-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

This week's excerpt is appropriate to the holiday season since this is a winter story--however, it takes place closer to Valentine's Day. ;-)

Gifts Well-Timed
by Celine Chatillon
http://www.extasybooks.com/gifts-well-timed-4/

Trish Steelman always gives generously of her time and energy to her students... But it takes a blizzard and a friendly ghost to help her to receive the gift of love from Patrick Rodgers, a fellow teacher she has been mentoring.

“Pete the Poltergeist” brings these two sensitive and caring souls together in the empty halls of Harding High. Before long, Trish and Patrick realize that sharing “body warmth” with a friend in the midst of a power outage can ignite a fiery passion that has been too long contained…

An excerpt from Gifts Well-Timed:

“I can’t believe this.” I shook my head as we circled back toward the teachers’ lounge. “It’s five-thirty. We can’t be the only people still here—can we?”

Patrick’s furrowed brow made his expression seem positively grim. “Let’s turn on the TV and see what the weather report says.”

We doffed our winter gear, plopped down on the old plaid couch in the lounge and switched on the television set. Sure enough, the storm that had been forecasted for later tonight had barreled into town early. A foot or more snow—on top of the five or six feet already on the ground—was likely to fall within the next few hours. City buses were permanently parked. The airport was closed. People were advised to stay indoors until the worst of the storm had passed.

“Why didn’t Ronny come on the P.A. and tell us to leave before the weather got worse?” An eerie feeling that we had been purposefully cut off from the rest civilization descended over me. I felt like we’d become victims in a slasher movie. No matter what we did, we were doomed.

“I know I didn’t hear Ronny say anything,” Patrick agreed. “I stayed after to grade papers and install a new program on the lab computers. I’m sure I would have heard an announcement telling everyone to leave the building.”

I nervously giggled. “Pete the Poltergeist really knows how to make a point, huh? Maybe he switched off the P.A. speakers in our rooms?” “You mean, you think Pete deliberately kept us from hearing Ronny’s announcement? That our resident poltergeist is trying to bring us together against both our better judgment?”

Wearing a big grin, Patrick scooted closer on the sofa and stretched an arm across the back, lightly stroking my shoulders. “Perhaps Pete’s trying to tell us something?”

A tingle zinged down my spine. I wanted to rip off all my clothes—and his—at that very moment. But I knew I couldn’t.

“Oh, no!” I jumped up from the couch a bit too abruptly, causing him to fall to his side. “Sorry.” I took a deep breath. I had to calm my jangled nerves before turning to face him. “What I meant to say is that maybe this is a ‘wake-up call’ of sorts… Pete wants both of us to realize that we’re giving too much of ourselves to this school.” “Too much of ourselves?”

“Well…” I shrugged. “You gotta admit it—it’s like we both practically live here at times.”

Patrick sighed. “What can I say? It’s better than living at my place lately.”

Aw shit! What a dumb thing to say. I could punch myself for my stupidity. I’d brought up that hot topic again. I’d made Patrick think about his non-existent sex life. I had to get his mind off of the subject right away. I had to do so without making him think I was coming on to him, too.

I felt like pacing—but that was too obvious an avoidance mechanism. So I made myself sit down beside him and started to ramble. “We’re practically twins when you come to think about it, Patrick. We both sponsor way too many after school activities. We both spend an exorbitant amount of time working on our class rooms and writing lesson plans. Even Ronny thinks we should be more selfish with our time.”

“Selfish isn’t part of your vocabulary, though, is it?” He fingered a lock of my hair. “You’re the most wonderfully generous person I know, Trish.”

I blushed. “Thanks.”

Something deeply primal glowed in his hazel eyes as he wound my shoulder-length, sandy-blond tresses about his long fingers. My gaze riveted on his face. I felt totally mesmerized. Here we sat all alone in the teacher’s lounge on a Tuesday evening, essentially snowed in from the rest of the world, and already I was seriously considering Nance’s proposition...

Fuck his brains out.

Gifts Well-Timed

by Celine Chatillon
http://www.extasybooks.com/gifts-well-timed-4/

A Beautiful Dreamer Time of the Year...

2011-12-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

Mark your calendar for a Holiday party with eXtasy Books and Devine Destinies on December 10 and 11, 2011. Watch the web site (http://www.extasybooks.com/) or eXtasy's readers' Yahoo group (The eX Factor) for the location. Prizes will be drawn throughout both days. WIN eBooks from the publisher, prizes from authors, and for all readers who attend the party -- eXtasy will draw a winner for a laptop/notebook and also for a Kindle Fire. Bring your friends and come have fun with us!

It's getting closer to the holidays--a time when beautiful dreams can come true!

In honor of the season, here's an excerpt from my erotic-romance novel set in the wilds of small town Texas, BEAUTIFUL DREAMER:

Beautiful Dreamer
by Celine Chatillon
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/beautifuldreamer.htm

Can a sexy, sleepwalking librarian corral a commitment-shy sheriff during the mayhem of rodeo week? When Marianne the Librarian sleepwalks into the brawny arms of handsome Sheriff Cody Greene sparks fly and an erotic night of pleasure ensues.

A confirmed bachelor, Cody realizes Marianne isn't really the "love 'em and leave 'em" type of woman he's used to entertaining in bed, and he’s worried. But by the end of the week--and after surviving a series of livestock-related calls and some "sleepless" nights--Cody is able to conquer both his fear of stampeding cattle and his fear of commitment.

Excerpt set-up: Marianne takes a dose of a magic "sleep potion" and sleepwalks into the arms of the handsome sheriff.

Marianne yanked her gauzy gown over her head and flung it aside with a playful flourish, revealing her total lack of undergarments. Cody had to face the awful truth: He was lost, lost forever in the sensuous spell of the most imaginative lover he had ever known.

Shimmering moonlight slanted through the window blinds, bathing the exquisite dark-eyed beauty above him in an iridescent glow. The hypnotizing dance of light and shadows gracefully accentuated the roundness of her breasts and the pertness of her dark pink nipples. She obliged him by bending lower to kiss his forehead, offering her twin charms to his hungry lips to taste and tease until she cried for more pleasures from his roving hands. She guided his palms from her breasts down to the moist heat between her thighs, aching for a more intimate touch.

Miraculously, Cody's shirt and holster melted away, leaving his bare torso free to Marianne's curious tongue as she playfully teased his nipples into hard peaks, sliding ever lower toward the waistband of his cotton boxers peeking through his open zipper.

Cody's eyes snapped opened. Sitting up, he cupped her firm buttocks in his capable hands and scooted her face nearer to his own, trapping her enchanting eyes in his somber gaze.

"We'd better stop right here before we regret our actions later. I think it's better if we...”

The words died on his lips as she smothered his protest with a kiss, a long and demanding kiss, a kiss that sent his senses rocketing, intensifying his tenseness until he was certain his whole body would blow up on the launch pad. Just when he thought she'd come up for air she probed deeper. Tongues intertwining in a lover's tango of passion and promise, Cody knew he had never experienced a kiss quite like it before. This in spite of the fact in high school he'd once dated the entire Starling County High School varsity cheerleading squad within a period of one week.

"Ah, hell," he muttered when at last her lips released his. Without further regret, he kicked his boots off faster than a mule in a rage. His trousers soon followed suit. Nothing more than his now-wet-with-excitement boxers separated them from consummating their mutual desire.

Still, his sense of decency told him he had to resist.

"Marianne, you're tempting me beyond the brink, but you know we can't." Cody took a deep breath, steadying his nerves. Somehow he had to talk her out of this situation without hurting her feelings or losing anymore of his clothing. "We have to think about your health and reputation. I don't have anything on me for, uh, you know, protection."

Marianne paused in her litany of kisses upon his neck and brow. She drew back, blinking rapidly as she stared into his serious hazel-green eyes.

"The brave and handsome knight travels without the sheath to his sword?"

He exhaled a painful sigh. "Yes, yes, that's right. I left it along with my white horse back at the castle."

Her eyes slanted. She quickly reached behind herself and picked up his trousers, plucking his billfold out of the pocket.

"My good lord always carried his sheath in his moneybag just in case." A wicked grin graced her love-swollen lips as she withdrew the forgotten condom from his billfold and waved it inches from his nose. "It appears ye do likewise."

Cody blinked, then blinked again. His square jaw widened to the size of the Palo Duro Canyon. How had that gotten in his wallet? Then it dawned on him. He had picked up a pair of condoms off the ground outside the gymnasium after making his obligatory visit to the senior prom a few weeks back. They were brand-spanking new and in good shape, and he had thought he'd keep them just in case anyone ever needed any for just such an emergency.

"Uh, yeah, it appears I do, too." He cleared his cracking voice. "But it doesn't mean we have to...”

Covering his lips with hers, Marianne effectively silenced any further objections. Her butterfly fingers fluttered across his shoulders and down his sides, coming to a comfortable rest at his tight buns. Caressing him with unrestrained passion, she struggled to remove their remaining barrier.

"Allow me," Cody said, giving up the fight. He rolled his temptress to the side before carefully sliding his shorts down over his saluting cock.

Marianne's eyes widened. "My lord has indeed been blessed with a very ... broad sword."

Beautiful Dreamer is available from Liquid Silver Books:
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/beautifuldreamer.htm

And don't forget you can enjoy excerpts from my holiday erotic-romance stories in previous blog postings. ;)

A Real-Life Reading from BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES

2011-12-01T15:15:00.000-08:00

Join St. Louis area Science fiction/ fantasy/paranormal/historical/erotica/erotic-romance writers Zo Leavy, Elizabeth Donald, AJ Matthews and me (disguised as Celine Chatillon) this Saturday, December 3, 8 PM, at Shameless Grounds (2650 Sidney) in St. Louis. We'll each be reading selections from our works, taking your questions, comments and generally having a good time while we all sip some java or enjoy the other fine eats available at Shameless Grounds.

A guaranteed good time to be had by one and all! (I'll be reading from the first book in my eXtasy Book series BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES.) ;)

Celine

http://www.celinechatillon.com/

http://tinyurl.com/celineatextasy

More Holiday Cheer in an Excerpt!

2011-11-28T14:18:00.000-08:00

I hope your Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping have gone well. Here's a hint: If you're still looking for that perfect gift for that sci-fi nerd on your holiday list, check out Theophilus Saxe's Emporium online at http://www.etsy.com/shop/theophilussaxe

And now on with the excerpt!

Santa's Big Little Helper
by Celine Chatillon
Mojocastle Press
http://www.mojocastle.com/SantasBigLittleHelper.html

Be careful what you ask for—you just might get it! Suellen tells Santa she wants the cover model on her romance novel… And "Santa's helper" Carlos fits the build perfectly. Add a little snow and some fuzzy handcuffs and it's a very Merry Christmas!

Before Suellen could move, his lips descended and hungrily took possession of hers. Stars blazed and exploded before her eyes. Man, could this figment of her imagination ever kiss! Her protests died as she molded her curves against his taut, muscular form, opening her mouth for his further exploration. Their tongues met and danced as the kiss deepened. He plunged deeper as if drinking her very essence. She clung to him, her senses reeling at the pervading warmth and masculine scent of him. Her hands eagerly cradled his smooth, firm buttocks as he caressed his way through her tousled tresses.

“Mmm… You taste better than the diner’s apple pie,” he said at last coming up for air. “And I’ve always wanted to wind my fingers through your beautiful strawberry blonde hair. Why do you keep it pinned up all the time?”

“The health department makes us do that,” she explained, sighing. “How did you know I even had hair? I usually have that awful net thing over it.”

He grinned and pulled her toward the bed. “I’ve seen little stray hairs peeking out now and then. I love it when you push them behind your ears when you think no one is looking. I was looking.”

She sat next to him, her focus falling to his full lips. “You were? I usually feel invisible at work. I’m there, and yet I’m not really there.”

“Oh, you’re there all right.” He tugged her into his arms and together they fell backward across the mattress. His hand wiggled its way between the opening of her robe and began to stroke her nipples poking through the thin cotton material of her nightshirt. She gasped but didn’t push his touch away. It felt so good… so right… so perfect...

Santa's Big Little Helper

http://www.mojocastle.com/SantasBigLittleHelper.html

And don't forget to read...

Yes, Virginia, Here Comes Santa Claus
by Celine Chatillon

(See the excerpt from last week.)

More excerpts to come! Let me know what you'd like to read next. Thanks.

Let's Get into the Holiday Spirit Excerpt

2011-11-20T12:05:00.000-08:00

Ho, ho, ho! "Black Friday" officially kicks off the holiday shopping season this week, so what better way to celebrate than with an excerpt from my holiday erotic-romance, Yes, Virginia Here Comes Santa Claus ...

Yes, Virginia Here, Comes Santa Claus
by Celine Chatillon
eXtasy Books
http://www.extasybooks.com/yes-virginia-here-comes-santa-claus-4/

When Brad "The Rude Reporter" Rudner opens a letter to the editor from a lonely lady who says she doesn't believe in Santa after her fiance dumped her, he feels it's his duty revive her faith in the jolly old elf. A red garter belt and fishnet stockings help "good girl" Ginny get on Santa's "naughty" list, and "Santa Brad" can't help but lose his heart to the dark, exotic beauty.

"Santa" reached into his bag and handed Ginny a long box.

“Thank you.” She untied the ribbon and opened the container. Her eyes flew open wide.

“Do you like it?”

“Like it?” she squeaked. “Ahem. Santa, I never knew the elves made these sort of toys up at the North Pole.”

The life-sized, penis-shaped vibrator with several attachments and rechargeable batteries totally redefined the words ‘good girl’ in her vocabulary.

He chuckled. “You could say the elves and I have been branching out in recent years. Let’s see what else we have in here for Ginny.”

He reached deep into the sack and withdrew an extra large candy cane.

“Sweets for the sweets,” he said, handing her the traditional snack of Christmas. “There’s some chocolate kisses in here, too.”

“Yummy.”

Ginny unwrapped the candy cane and began noisily sucking on the straight end. Santa’s eyes followed her every moment as she took more and more into her generous mouth and slowly moved the stick up and down in a rhythmic fashion. The smells of mint and sexual excitement hung heavy in the air between them.

“Hmm…I can’t ever get enough,” she said breathlessly.

He gasped. The bulge in Santa’s jeans rivaled the North Pole itself. Ginny smiled. So… there wasn’t ice water flowing through his veins.

“Yes… I can see that you’re a very good girl. But there are just a few more things I want to give you before I’ll let you properly ‘thank’ Santa...”

What the reviewers have to say about Yes, Virginia Here, Comes Santa Claus:

I enjoyed this story. There must be a Santa Claus and a romantic one at that, fulfilling Christmas wishes in bringing two people together that need each other, who recognize that they have the same inherent desires and goals. Ginny’s insecurities from her relationship with Bobby are easily swept away by her new lover. The two find that they have more than just the love of certain sports in common! --Four hearts from Glenda K. Bauerle, The Romance Studio

This is a totally adorable story that grabbed me from the start. But when Brad jumps off the roof while playing Santa he becomes a very romantic character. Hot sex and instant love keep this short story on a fast ride. The characters are interesting, the storyline heartwarming, and presented well. The flow is smooth and considering the short length the characters are adequately described. Ms.Chatillon has written a great short tale for the Christmas season. --Kim at MayReviews.com

Yes, Virginia Here, Comes Santa Claus
http://www.extasybooks.com/yes-virginia-here-comes-santa-claus-4/

Don't forget to catch my post "What are you thankful for?" on Thanksgiving Day (November 24) at the Essence of eXtasy blog: http://extasybooks.net/essenceofextasy/

Please share your comments either here and/or there. Thanks--and here's to a safe, happy and healthy holiday season for you and yours.

Two Excerpts for the Price of One!

2011-11-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

This week you get two excerpts for the price of one!

From my science fiction erotica collection Heavenly Bodies...

Heavenly Bodies
by Celine Chatillon
Mojocastle Press
http://www.mojocastle.com/HeavenlyBodies.html

Heavenly Bodies... spicy SF tales of love and pleasure. The collection includes:
PlayMate

Outer Worlds Mining Corp miner Lelia Clayden lives for mail day. Her sexy mailman, Del Tourner, gives her reason to continue her lonely existence, but he’s unable to stay more than fifteen minutes at a time. Lelia orders a “PlayMate” holographic robot to pleasure her personally... What will Del think of how she’s programmed her PlayMate to look exactly like him?

Alien Seduction

Jenna Henson is a first rate sf geek, but even she knows the difference between fantasy and reality. Prince Reglund of her favorite TV show Galactic Guerillas cannot be the sexy hunk pleasuring her in her own bed. But what the heck? Why not give in to the fantasy and enjoy herself? It’s only when she wakes up on Reg’s home world does she begin to suspect there’s more to the television series than meets the eye.

Diplomatic Relations

Ambassador Cherae Longbow is nervous. She and her Martian assistant/lover, Jax, have been recalled from their diplomatic post to talk to the High Commissioner on Earth. Rumors have it that the Alliance needs to make a good impression on its newest potential members, the Magnens. But why does the High Commissioner keep mentioning that Cherae’s “open-mindedness” is an asset in this delicate situation?

Heavenly Bodies

Telepathic, non-humanoid aliens Mahla and Shahla find astronaut Frank Rimmer frozen in a cryo-statis chamber, the lone survivor of a deep-space asteroid impact on his vessel. The two make repairs to the damaged ship and do their best to help Frank to recover both physically and mentally…including transmitting images of gorgeous women they’ve discovered on a pin-up calendar into Frank’s mind for their appearances.

From the short story Diplomatic Relations:

Cherae put away her papers and unfastened her seat harness. She pulled her lustrous black locks over her ears before squatting between Jax’s legs to give his lengthy penis a good, deep sucking. Martians tasted different than Earth males, she had always thought. They were sweeter. It was like a licking a delectable, cock-shaped candy cane that she could never get enough of. Soon she had him writhing in ecstasy.

“You better sit on me fast, or I’ll rocket this spacecraft back to the moon,” he warned, pushing his seat all the way back.

She deftly tickled his pinkish tip with her tongue. “How romantic. You definitely have a way with words, Jax.”

“You’re the chief negotiator. I’m just a lowly paper-pusher, remember?”

“Lowly? I think not.”

Cherae accepted a hand up. Jax quickly removed her thong as she floated above him. Hooking her feet beneath the armrests for leverage, she impaled herself on his cock, gasping with delight as her pussy muscles clenched about his thickness. She ratcheted her hips in a slow and sensual corkscrew motion. Jax yanked down her jacket zipper freeing her full, round breasts from captivity.

“I want to suckle on your tits from now until the end of time.” Jax groaned, lathing his tongue around her tender points, bringing them to upright attention. “I want to make love to you until all the stars supernova.”

“Now that’s romantic,” Cherae murmured. “Good boy, Jax.”

The heat between them grew with each thrust on his cock and pivot of her hips. It wouldn’t be long until she’d feel the shudders begin low in her belly, Cherae knew, spreading outward along her limbs, encompassing her total being. But suddenly she remembered that she was a career diplomat with an image to uphold. She couldn’t just shriek and thrash about wildly on a crowded shuttle flight like she usually did as she orgasmed. She had to remain in control.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” Jax chuckled. “Don’t deny it. I can feel it. Your cunt can’t get any tighter.”

“I… I can’t. Not here, Jax. It—it wouldn’t be proper.”

He grasped her buttocks and rammed his cock harder, fingering her clit for good measure. “Don’t fight it. No one on this shuttle will say an unkind word if you tear off this blanket and scream ‘fuck me’ until you topple over in ecstasy.”

The sound of a couple doing exactly as Jax just described echoed throughout the cabin. Cheers and catcalls followed—along with several more boisterous lovemaking cries. Cherae shook her head and tried to pull back, but he would have none of it. He drove his cock deeper into her yet.

“No, I’ve got to preserve decorum,” she said, panting. “I’ve got to follow protocol. I can’t just… just…”

Jax suckled her nipples without mercy until she felt like screaming. She bit her lip but the pain couldn’t erase the intensity of the pleasure he gave her. His thrusts grew her harder and faster with a hammering cadence that could only cease with his release. She gripped his shoulders as the start of uncontrollable tremor threatened to engulf her, threatening to scramble her brain and raze her sense of modesty forever. Batting the blanket away from her face, she tilted her head back and cried, “Oh, yes! Harder, please. Fuck me hard… Oh, oh… Yes!”

Their cover floated away in the zero-g environment along with Cherae’s flowing black mane. Her pointed breasts rose, glistening with perspiration, glowing golden in the cabin’s soft light. She felt as free as an eagle soaring over the plains—wild like an animal in heat.

From the short story PlayMate:

Lelia stood back from the unit and licked her lips in anticipation. There was a sharp burst of static and then the blurry image of a man began to form. The mahogany-colored body that lay across the workbench possessed Del’s characteristic smile, handsome facial features and long-fingered hands, but little more.

“Shit. I guess since I don’t have a vid of him naked, the persona program isn’t certain of how to form the rest of him.”

Lelia sighed and hit the scan button on the comp console. “There’s got to be some protocol on how to proceed if this is the case… Ah, here it is, ‘What to do if you have insufficient data to program a customized persona’. That’s what I need.”

She hit the enter key and the disk droned, “If all you have is a clothed image of your special persona, PlayMate can help you develop its other body features with some input about your personal tastes.”

“Perfect.” Lelia settled into her chair began answering the survey questions. “Skin tone? Same as face. Texture? Smooth, little body hair. Build? Muscular with slim waist and hips. Libido—high, higher or highest? Definitely the highest! Penis… Small, medium, large or custom-sized?”

She sat back and scratched her head. “Small, medium or large? Good grief. Should I go for large? How large is large? I wonder what ‘custom-sized’ means?”

Scanning the instruction disk again she discovered what a custom-sized cock meant. “A penis that is in proportion to the rest of the individual’s body based on measurements of hands and feet. Good. That sounds about right. It’s not the size that counts anyway, but how it’s used and whom you’re using it with. And the vids show Del’s hands quite well. I can tell he wears a good-sized boot, so I’ll input that data about his shoe size…”

The blurry image materialized on the workbench. Lelia gasped, clapping her hands. “Oh, my… He’s perfect!”

“I’m ready for your instructions, mistress.” Del’s holographic clone sat up on the workbench like a wooden puppet an hour later, speaking in a rather flat monotone. The thing certainly looked like Del—and it sounded like Del—but something was definitely missing.

“Hang on there a moment, big boy. I need to tinker with you a bit.”

Lelia scanned the recent vids to see if she could discover the missing element. She played back their last conversation, and immediately knew what was needed.

“Add various laughing tonal variations as demonstrated by Del Tourner to PlayMate,” she instructed the comp. “Add grinning features as well.” She sat back to observe.

A low, throaty chuckle immerged from between a bright flash of teeth. He stood and took a step toward her, fondling his growing erection. “I’m ready for your instructions, mistress. Are you ready for me?”

Lelia gulped and nodded. She couldn’t wriggle out of her work overalls fast enough.

Heavenly Bodies
by Celine Chatillon
Mojocastle Press
http://www.mojocastle.com/HeavenlyBodies.html

Excerpt: The Loves of Her Life

2011-11-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is enjoying November so far. I've been digilently working on my Nanowrimo "novel in a month" work-in-progress and I'm hopeful I'll finish it (or be close to finishing it) by the end of the month.

This week's excerpt is from my Tarot Card story, The Loves of Her Life.

The Loves of Her Life
by Celine Chatillon
eXtasy Books
(Tarot Card series--Two of Wands)

Spoiled and pampered Princess Estrella knows she must marry Prince Norbet for the good of her people. But she loves Lord Aiden, her childhood sweetheart, a soldier who must fight the dragon that threatens both their kingdoms. With her second sight she can see into the future and knows what is best for all… But even with this awful knowledge, how can Estrella choose between the loves of her life?

Scene set-up: Princess Estrella helps re-enact the Summer Solstice story with her lover, Lord Aiden, while a well-dressed stranger watches on.

“Give us the rest of the story!” cried the spectators. “Honor the Summer Solstice! Honor the goddess!”

“Well, if you put it that way…”

Estrella wrapped her hands tighter about her lover’s neck and pulled his lips toward hers, kissing him passionately. Their tongues met and the electricity of attraction surged through both. Instantly, Aiden crushed her curves against his. He rhythmically rubbed the bulge beneath his loincloth against her belly. She moaned and reached down to stroke his erect flesh in time with the music, which had taken a serious turn into a steady, sultry, throbbing beat. He slid a hand under her short, filmy skirt and stroked the growing dampness between her thighs.

He chuckled. “You’re as wet as the legendary flood of the Dragon’s lair. Obviously, all these eyes focused on your luscious body is a turn on.”
She smiled against his lips. “And I can tell you’re as hard and straight as the legendary granite obelisk that marks the end of the world.”

“Atillo then entered Adala and the whole world blossomed!” exclaimed a self-appointed narrator, a thin, bookish-type who seem to relish the telling of tales. “Soon, all the world was filled with the beautiful evidence of their love.”

“Hmm, are you ready for me to fill you with the evidence of my love, my dear?” Aiden whispered in her ear. “I’m about to burst as it is.”

“As am I. But wasn’t there another person in the legend that brought the two together? The oak tree, Amillo?”

“You’re right.” Aiden tweaked a pointed nipple through the thin material of her shift, causing Estrella to moan.

A shadow crossed their path.

“And Amillo came and cradled the lovers in his branches to better assist their joining,” their narrator said in hushed tones.

Estrella and Aiden hesitated then slowly turned to see their oak cradle.

The well-dressed stranger!

“I thought I’d volunteer my services in the part of Amillo. I am an amateur scholar of these old myths and legends. The chance to help act out one with such a handsome couple was… irresistible.”

The Loves of Her Life now available at eXtasy Books

Name the next book you want to read an excerpt from in the comment sections below. Don't know which books to choose from? Check them out at my web site. What was your take on this excerpt? Please don't be afraid to leave a comment!

Take a bite of the VAMPIRE NEXT DOOR...

2011-10-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

To celebrate this weekend's festivities, here's a bite from my best-selling novel from Liquid Silver Books, HELP! I'M FALLING FOR THE VAMPIRE NEXT DOOR...

Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door
By Celine Chatillon
ISBN 1-59578-229-X
Click here to buy it in e-formats from Liquid Silver Books
Click here to buy it in trade paperback (print) from Amazon.
Also available in Kindle formats.

Valentine Drakul longs for a mate, someone to share eternity with who won’t be totally grossed out living on a diet of steak tartare. Could the sexy girl living upstairs fulfill his every fantasy?

Melynda Kerpanik got the heck out of Dodge and ended up in St. Louis working for her cousin as an interior decorator. But will her career plans take a backseat to her curiosity about things that “go bump in the night”?

A deadly foe ensnares Mel in his evil plot to rid the world of the Kindred race... Can Val save the mortal woman he loves without transforming her into the eternally lonely being he's become?

Excerpt Set-up: Mel returns from a dinner with the villainous Leo Van Helsing...

“Where in the world have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Val stomped out of the dark, moonless shadows, grabbing Mel by the elbow as she approached the warehouse’s front door at half past eleven. “And what were you doing all this time riding in a limo?”

“Jealous?” Mel giggled. “It was nothing. Nothing at all. Shelby wanted me to schmooze with some bigwig client so he’d buy into the building. I think he will, too. Shel is going to be sooo pleased with me.”

Val’s nostrils flared. What was that stinking cologne she had on? It smelled like a man’s aftershave--an expensive, yet tawdry, man’s aftershave.

Mel reached into her purse and dropped her key then fumbled with the front door lock. “Oops! I think I’ve had too much to drink.”

“It appears so.” He picked up the key along with a matchbook that had fallen beside it. He gave a long whistle. “Whoa. That must have been some major player you had dinner with. You actually ate at the Adam’s Mark Hotel?”

“Well, yeah. He’s staying there for now.”

“Did you give him dessert upstairs afterward?”

She frowned. “Just what are you implying? Oh, that I... No, no. He was a gentleman. A very handsome, very rich and well-connected gentleman. There was no hanky-panky whatsoever. I think.”

“You think?”

The fires within him roared. Val grimaced and clenched his fists at his sides. Another had staked claim to one of his own. That man must die and die horribly. Instinctively his canines grew, forcing him to turn back into the shadows.

“Val, your face!” She gasped. “I’m not all that intoxicated. What’s wrong? You look like you’re experiencing a sudden toothache. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. It’s my wisdom teeth. They give me trouble.”

Mel approached him and cradled him tenderly into her arms, patting his back.

“Poor baby. I bet they hurt awful. I noticed the gum swelling the other night after we... made love. You really ought to see a dentist.”

“How many dentists do you know offer late night hours?”

“Not many. You poor, poor dear.”

She began to kiss his chin and face over and over again, stroking his shoulders and pecs, pressing her warm, womanly curves tight against his muscular frame. Val sighed and relaxed, pulling her deeper into the shadows with him. Leaning against the brick building brought back memories of other secret lovers’ rendezvous long ago on deserted streets and in back alleys. His cock grew hard, throbbing at the thrill of getting caught in the act.

“Hmm, Melynda, have you ever...?”

“Ever?” She paused her assault on his senses and smiled. “Have I ever done it under the moonlight in some back alleyway, you mean?”

“Exactly.” He lowered one dress strap and then another, lowering his lips to each nipple, licking it to full attention. “No one will see us here and the nearest occupied house is a block over.”

She chuckled. “I promise not to shout too loudly if you won’t.”

“No promise.”

Val squeezed her buttocks, rubbing the bulge in his pants against her pussy covered only by the thinnest of cloth. She threw back her head, and a low moan escaped her lithe, lovely throat. He fought off the urge to sink his fangs into the smooth, white flesh and partake of the life-giving liquid contained within.

Mel would give of herself in a human manner, the manner he had always desired to enjoy without corrupting it with his people’s ancient curse. He had vowed to act human, or at least as close an approximation to humanity as he could attain.

He pushed up her skirt and pulled her thong down, greedily fondling her clit. She was hot and wet and ready for the taking. As if reading his mind, she undid his jeans zipper and yanked his pants all the way down to his ankles.

“Hmm, I didn’t have any dessert tonight, by the way.” Mel knelt and nibbled his stiffening cock through the silky material of his boxers before removing the barrier and tantalizing the red, engorged head with her tongue. “Delicious.”

He groaned. The cool brick on his backside and the hot breath of his lover on his cock drove him to distraction. If he wasn’t careful, the neighbors would hear them. “I know someone else who’s finger-lickin’ good.”

Val pulled Mel to her feet, simultaneously plunging a tongue into her mouth and a digit deep into her eager pussy. She squealed in delight. He backed her up against the first step of the stoop and laid her down, continuing his assault on her cunt. As their kiss deepened she wrapped her legs about him and speared herself on his erection, drawing it deep within her.

He lifted her up as easily as she were a phantom without substance and took her deeper into the shadows, pinning her against the cool brick wall with his hot cock, madly ramming it harder and harder into her tight passage. His mind went blank and his canines extended. He lightly raked them against the tender flesh of shoulders, drinking in the perfume of her blood. He teetered close to the edge of insanity.

Mel sighed. “Oh, Val, you know exactly how I like it… Fast and hard. And that is the most wonderful sensation on my neck. Bite me, will you?”

His head instantly cleared. “What did you say?”

“I said give me a hickey. It won’t show if I wear a turtleneck for the next week or so. You’re driving me crazy with your nibbling. I’m about to... I will if you...”

“Melynda, I can’t bite you. If I did, I’d...” He couldn’t say the words I wouldn’t stop until I had drained you of all your blood.

“Hmm, that’s okay. Just gum me a little harder.”

Drink, drink! She’s offering herself to you, a willing victim.

Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door
from Liquid Silver Books

What sort of excerpt would you like to read next week? Funny, scary, sexy, all of the above? Let me know in the comments below, and I'll try to oblige.

Excerpt Excitement!

2011-10-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

In honor of the upcoming National Novel Writing Month (a.k.a. the "Nanowrimo Challenge"), each week I'll be posting an excerpt from each of my published works. This week's lucky excerpt comes from my first erotic release, A Middle Class Existence:

Sex, lies, and blackmail... Can they add up to "Happily Ever After?"

A Middle Class Existence
by Celine Chatillon
Available at eXtasy Books
(Also available in Kindle format)

When Riki’s "perfect world" is threatened she embarks on a plan of vengeance to take back what is hers from her husband's ex-boss, Morgan Fahr. She soon discovers that she revels in the feelings of power she has over men like Fahr through casual sex and seeks it out with a shady lawyer as well. But as her simple blackmail plot spirals out of control, Riki begins to realize the only way out could lead to murder.

“What is a nice girl like you doing in a racket like this?” He sat beside me as I straightened up and tucked the wad into my back jeans pocket.

“Making a living like everyone else, I guess.” I crossed my legs to remove a spike-heeled sandal. “Everybody got to eat. Everybody got to breathe. Everybody got to fuck now and then, too.”

A dark cloud traversed his features, but the storm quickly passed. He leaned back on the bed and folded his arms beneath his head, watching me unzip my pants with unadulterated lust.

“You shouldn’t use such crude terms. You’re much too young and pretty to be talking like a sailor. You remind me of somebody… somebody I met once. Now, who could it be?”

I shimmied out of my jeans then carefully folded and placed them by my jacket. Could he have remembered me from a company picnic? Or maybe those few times I actually came by the factory in the middle of the day to talk to Daniel about the kids? Did I have enough guts to bluff my way out of this situation if he did place my face and name together?

I turned around, facing him, and took a deep breath, filling out my black, lacy B-cup as much as possible as I peeled off my top. “Your Sunday school teacher perhaps?”

His gaze dropped below my chin. It worked. I wouldn’t have to worry about him studying my face too much. The man was going to explode if he didn’t get off soon.

He chuckled. “More like the little red-headed girl I snuck out of Sunday School with to make-out behind her father’s barn. Come on over here."

A Middle Class Existence
Available at eXtasy Books

Archon Rocks!

2011-10-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

Archon Rocks!

I’m back from the exhausting (yet exhilarating) weekend that is the annual Archon SF convention… Yet another fix of super sci-fi fandom successfully obtained.

I spoke on a few panels, handsome hubby sold quite a few Doctor Who inspired artworks, we passed out some promo items and took a lot of photos of some very interesting characters. You may even glimpse one or two in an upcoming Brandi Whyne adventure. You never know where inspiration may hit!

The best thing about Archon are the people (both in and out of costume). Many of the guests graciously give you freebies, too—and anime guest of honor Sonny Strait was one of these wonderful givers. Sonny is an anime actor, writer and director who does the voice of Krillin on Dragonball Z as well as a Manga artist and musician. Quite the Renaissance man! He gave out free CD’s of rock music recorded by his band Chin's Mojo. Imagine my delight at the title of one song, Makin’ Love to Celine. (Okay, I believe the song is about making out while Celine Dion music blares in the background, but hey! I like my own interpretation of the title better. Great tune, by the way.)

Check out Chin's Mojo at their web site or Facebook and see if you don’t agree that anime artists don’t make great rockers. And to all my friends and family at Archon—rock on!

Now available--Brandi's Best Revenge!

2011-09-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry not to post much lately, but we've been out of town helping my mom out while she undergoes chemotherapy... Yes, she's finally able to admit to the world that she's battling the "big C". It's been a difficult month and a half for us all, but so far she's doing as well as to be expected.

But today, I'm back on my home computer and able to shout out about my latest release from eXtasy, BRANDI WHYNE AND HER INCREDIBLY EROTIC ADVENTURES: Chapter 7--Brandi's Best Revenge! :)

Check it out in various e-formats at:

http://www.extasybooks.com/brandi-whyne-7-3/

or http://tinyurl.com/brandi-7

Here's the quick synopsis:

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill, Futurama and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it‘s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter 7, Brandi’s Best Revenge, the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip encounter their time bandit contact in their own dimension—Robin‘s ex-girlfriend, Marian Maidenform. But all is not quite as it seems aboard Marian‘s ship, and seducing the hunky android Andrew becomes part of Brandi‘s revenge against the cold yet sexy woman who broke Robin‘s heart. But what does K.R.A.P.P. have to do with the balance of power on Old Terra? Brandi and her pals are determined to find out.

Don't forget, to receive your very own PDF copy of "Outrageous Extended Excerpts" from all the chapters (well, up to number 6) by simply dropping me an email with "Free Ebook" in the subject line. celinechatillon @ hotmail.com

And be sure to check out Brandi's very own blog for an excerpt and more:

http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com

Because every fictional character deserves a blog!

Something I learned today: The Mobi format works well on the Kindle e-reader... PDF formats work well, too. Now there's no excuse not to buy directly from my publisher (for the biggest discounts) and read my books on your Kindle device! ;)

I'll see you at the Archon SF convention at the Gateway Convention Center in Collinsville, Illinois, September 30-October 2. Be sure to drop in on one of my panels and say hello. I enjoy chatting with my readers. :)

Playing Twenty Questions...

2011-08-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'll be playing "Twenty Questions" with very naughty (but nice) erotic-romance author Jude Mason this Wednesday at her blog:

http://jude-mason.blogspot.com/2011/08/welcome-celine-chatillon.html

Pop in and find out what you've always wanted to know about me. Or not. Feel free to leave a comment and ask me a question I forgot to answer. ;)

And don't you forget my latest release:

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! http://tinyurl.com/brandi-6

Book Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1Rl3a9Qk68

Coming Soon: Brandi Whyne Chapter 7: Brandi's Best Revenge!

Brandi is Sealed with a Kiss...

2011-08-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

I posted over at author Robin Badillo's Sealed with a Kiss blog this week promoting the latest release, Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits. Check out her gorgeous blog site here:

http://robinbadillo.blogspot.com/?zx=b0073cb64c21ea7b
And enjoy the cool tunes playing in the background. (Sweet!)

The tiny url links that I previously posted to individual titles in the Brandi Whyne series may take you to the front page of eXtasy Books instead. A

recent change in servers sort of voided the links. If you type in "Celine Chatillon" in the search box under author (on right top corner of the front page) that will take you to a listing of my stories. I apologize for any inconvenience. Brandi promises to get the whip out and make me update all the old links soon... Unfortunately, she knows I enjoy a good spanking too much. ;)

Don't forget you can get a free ebook of outrageously erotic excerpts from the Brandi Whyne series simply by dropping me an email. celinechatillon @ hotmail.com

Brandi's Best Revenge--coming this fall!

2011-07-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Just a heads up to let y'all know that chapter seven in the Brandi Whyne series will be released sometime before October 1, 2011. Here's a short synopsis of what to expect:

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill, Futurama and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter 7, Brandi’s Best Revenge, the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip encounter their time bandit contact in their own dimension—Robin’s ex-girlfriend, Marian Maidenform. But all is not quite as it seems aboard Marian’s ship, and seducing the hunky android Andrew becomes part of Brandi’s revenge against the cold yet sexy woman who broke Robin’s heart. But what does K.R.A.P.P. have to do with the balance of power on Old Terra? Brandi and her pals are determined to find out.

Coming soon from the good folks at eXtasy Books.

Don't forget you can get a free ebook of "Outrageous Extended Erotic Excerpts" just by emailing me and putting "free ebook" in the subject line: celinechatillon @ hotmail.com

Why Not Go for a Laugh?

2011-07-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

If you've ever wondered why I started writing Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures, check out my guest blog article at Sapphire Phelan's Passion Corner:

http://sapphirephelanspassioncorner.blogspot.com/2011/06/romancing-on-fiday-guest-blogger-celine.html

And drop me an email at celinechatillon @ hotmail.com (no spaces) to ask me about my FREE EBOOK! ;)

Boy Meets Girl No More?

2011-06-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

Each month it increasingly becomes more difficult knowing what to write, in the erotic-romance arena, at least. I have plenty of ideas for stories, but they all seem to possess a fatal flaw according to some publishers. I wanna write love stories with a hero and heroine as opposed to a love story with two heroes.

Don't get me wrong--I'm very glad to see that there's a wide variety of authors and publishers out there providing stories that m/m fans wish to read. More power to you all! It's just that I'm not one of those authors/readers who wants to add to the glut of m/m fiction currently in the e-book erotic-romance market. I'd rather create the fiction I prefer to read myself; that is, boy meets girl or girl meets boy, they have lots and lots of hot sex and then go on to live happily ever after or at least happily for now.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I old-fashioned? I don't know. I've tried to come up with a m/m story idea that's not been done a million times before, but I'm not that inspired I guess. But if you described a hot-blooded male (alien or human) and a hot-blooded female (alien or human) to me, a million storylines would pop into my head. It's just that easy.

What do you think? Should I throw in the towel and give up trying to write erotic-romance of any kind until I can hop on the m/m bandwagon? Or should I just wait and see if m/f, boy meets girl, romantic fiction makes a resurgence in the near future?

Readers please leave me some feedback in the comments below. Here are some questions I'm dying to know the answers to:

What do YOU like to read the best--m/m, m/f, f/f, all of the above?

Do you feel the glut of m/m erotic fiction is just a phase and will gradually die down or that it's here to stay and will further eclipse the m/f erotic fiction market?

Is it all about vampires, shapeshifters, werewolves, ghosts, demons, etc., or do readers occasionally like to read about human characters (contemporary, historical or futuristic)?

Should I focus on writing straight science fiction/fantasy and vere away from writing stories with erotic-romantic themes altogether?

Thanks for your comments. Drop me an email at celinechatillon @ hotmail.com (no spaces) and put "Free e-book" in the subject line, and I'll email you an "Outrageous Extended Excerpts from Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures" PDF e-book as a thank you.

I love me some pirates!

2011-05-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

Yo-ho-ho! I do love me some pirates... particular the ones that hang out at the St. Louis Renaissance Festival in the merry month of May. Let me show you some and see if you don't agree with me.

These strapping lads are part of the singing and comedy troupe the Musical Blades. They can tell a naughty joke and sing a rowdy song with the best of them. Can you tell which pirate caught my eye?

You're right--it's their captain. He had a great singing voice--honestly! Why else would he stand out? ;)

Bill from 3 Pints Gone joyously sings the infamous "Moose Song". This pub song is definitely for mature audiences only. (Please don't call the SPCA on him!)

They even got an ASL signer into the act (far right). Can you imagine signing the words to a naughty drinking song? Me neither! (What a great sport he was to keep up!)

My hubby likes the sweet sounds of the Limeybirds. Yes, who wouldn't love a trio of buxom songstresses singing about what they enjoy doing in the hardware store: "He asked me for nails, so nail him I did,,,and I don't work there anymore!"

Unfortunately, the batteries gave out in my camera before I could take anymore photos, but I sure did have a lot of the Musical Blades for some reason...

I do love me some pirates... I can't wait until September when the St. Louis Pirate Festival comes to town. Yo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

If you like pirates--space pirates in particular--then be sure to check out my latest release Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! now available from eXtasy Books:
Brandi Whyne Chapter 6 purchase link

You can catch a red hot excerpt at Brandi's blog and read all about the series online at my web site. Click here for the You Tube book trailer.

Red Hot Excerpt Now at Brandi's Blog

2011-05-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

If you're in the mood for a red hot excerpt from Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits, now available from eXtasy Books, then head on over to Brandi's blog and read it. Don't be shy, either--you can always leave her a comment begging for more...

Click here to read Brandi Whyne's Blog

And for a quick video summary of the entire series (so far):

More excerpts to come. (Pardon the pun!)

Style? That's my middle name!

2011-05-07T16:24:00.000-07:00

I feel highly honored to be nominated for a Stylish Blogger Award--especially since my "other self" made the nomination. ;)

If you've never checked out my alter-ego's blog, Confessions of a Blonde Writer, I encourage you to do so. You'll find out more about my tamer, more "blonde" self. ;)

As part of the award, I have to tell you seven things you don't know about me. Well, when I'm Celine, I'm no longer a girl-next-door-blondie--I'm a "redhead" with a flaming libido to match! ;)

1.) I love men who are tall, dark and handsome. Tall, fair and handsome works as well in a pinch.

2.) I don't like to sleep in lingerie. It just gets in the way.

3.) I think bras were invented by a sadist. I wish I didn't have to wear one in public, but I get tired of all the stares at the "bouncing action" up top. Same for high heels--sadism by any other name. I'm not much into the BDSM thing personally. I like to be the one in charge. ;)

4.) I was once kissed by the actor who played the Master on the classic series of Doctor Who at a sci-fi con. I didn't ask him for a kiss, either, he just gave me one--tongue down the throat and everything. Nice guy!

5.) I've always wanted to play Magenta on stage. You know who I mean... from The Rocky Horror Picture Show: "I'm lucky, you're lucky, we're all lucky!!!"

6.) The most romantic movie I've ever seen is Somewhere in Time with Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour. I still cry at the end.

7.) The reason I sometimes write humorous sex scenes is because sometimes sex is just plain funny! You ever watch your home bedroom videos and not laugh? ;)

Now my nomination for the Stylish Blogger Award... I nominate Brandi Whyne: Adventurous Space Pirate, a blog by a fictional heroine who just won't let me stop telling her story! ;)

Brandi Whyne Chapter 6 has arrived at last

2011-05-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

Check out the new book trailer. I hope that it catches you up on the series so far. (What if you can't follow what's happening so far? Well, go out and buy the other five books and read them!);)

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures: Chapter 6--Kidnapped by Time Bandits! is now available in multiple e-book formats at eXtasy Books at the link below:

Kidnapped by Time Bandits!

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill , Red Dwarf and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures (with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates). With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter Six, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, Brandi is sucked into an alternate dimension and forced to do a little sucking on some not-so-nice space pirates—including Robin Limpdick, the evil twin of her own lover Robin Manhood. After a good licking, she meets Captain Jacques Swallows and his right hand man Francois who put her to the test. Can Brandi convince the Time Bandits that the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip can do more than just throw a great orgy?

And for those of you who need a refresher, here's the links to the first five books in order:

Captured by Space Pirates!

Lashed at the Mast!

Bound for Adventure!

Little John's Very Big Problem

The Search for Brandi's Crack

(All of these titles are also available for the Kindle e-reader. Click on the link to the righthand side.)

You can ask Brandi questions or make comments about her memoirs at her blog, too:
http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com

Support Judy Mays! Support Your Local Authors!

2011-04-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I know there's a lot of talk online about this story, and I don't want to give those who have maligned Ms. May any more press, so here's a link to my publisher's blog that gives a few more pertinent details:

http://extasybooks.net/essenceofextasy/

I hope most readers realize why writers often use pen names in the first place. No one wants to suffer this kind of grief over his/her art. For some reason, readers will buy (hopefully not pirate) and read our erotic-romances, but if they find out we're teachers in our day jobs... All of sudden we're suspect human beings.

I'd be more afraid of my kid's English teacher writing "true crime" or murder mysteries. Do you think these types of writers go around killing folks to gain "experience" to write their stories? If you find that idea ridiculous, then why should romance authors be accused of being "dangerous perverts"? Aren't we exercising our imaginations like mystery writers do? ;)

Please support Ms. May and all your favorite and local authors. Stand up for our "write" (right) to create stories the way we see fit. Stand up for the First Amendment's freedom of speech and expression. Together we can make the world a better place.

Spring Break in the Sunshine State!

2011-04-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

We're back from our spring break. Rather than bore you with lots of details, I thought I'd post a few photos instead. :)

Don't you wish you were on a beach right now? (I know I sure miss it.) Where is your favorite spring break locale?

Stop the Presses!

2011-04-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

Stop the presses! This is out-of-this world news (of a sort). ;)

A photograph that I snapped two years ago at the Dogtown St. Patrick's Day parade will be featured in an upcoming episode of "Car Science" on SPEED TV. The episode will be airing Wednesday, April 6th on SPEED at 10pm EST. Here is a link to the page on SPEED for the TV schedule: http://www.speedtv.com/programs/car-science/

We don't get the SPEED TV channel, but if you do, please check the episode out for me and tell me when my photo shows up. Thanks! It appears that you can watch older episodes of "Car Science" on Hulu, so eventually I hope to see it.

Wow... I never would have imagined something like this would have happened to me. You post a photo on Flickr to show friends and a TV producer tracks you down and asks if they can show it on their show. No money involved, alas, but she did say she'll send me a DVD of the show. Cool!

If you wanna see the photo of the "motorized bar stool" car, here's the link:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynthianna/3376903570/in/set-72157625249212234

Have you ever had a snapshot you've taken noticed by someone else other than family and friends before?

The All New, All Dancing, Singing, Performing Blog

2011-04-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

It's time to throw beads! Happy Mardi Gras! Opps, that was last month, wasn't it?

Happy April Fools’ Day! The blog title is no joke. I’m attempting a new format with my blog(s) and this seems as good a time as any to implement it.

I’ll admit it right here and now: I was born sometime B.C. (before computers). I’m not so keen on the daily blog thing. Sure, many people blog daily, but having worked as a columnist in the time B. B (before blogs), when words were actually printed on paper, monthly postings worked best for me. I’d come up with one good idea (or even one not so good), write it and post it on the blog. I’d write several hundred or a thousand words on a topic and hope to get some sort of feedback from readers. Most of the time I heard only crickets chirping in the distance.

Times change. People don’t have time to read long blog postings. Short blog postings are perceived as being more entertaining than one longer, in-depth rant. Short blogs also more conducive to promoting one’s other writings I’m told. Being unemployed, I need to promote and sell more books in order to survive, so it’s time for me to bite the bullet of blogdom and attract more readers to both my blogs and books.

On our way to Sesame Street, Mardi Gras style!

A lot of what I use to send out in my monthly e-newsletter for many years now, I’m going to post here whenever it happens. I enjoy sending out the e-newsletter, but I understand how much email you read everyday for work, play and other groups. From now on, the newsletter will be very brief and direct you to where the information can be found online. That way, you can pick and choose what interests you most and skip the rest if you’re rushed for time. If you’re not already one of my general e-newsletter members, sign up for it at http://groups.yahoo.com/cindyappelnewsletter If you just want to know what’s going on with my erotic-romance persona Celine Chatillon, you can join that newsletter at http://groups.yahoo.com/celinesdreams

Since I possess “multiple personalities” (I write in multiple genres), I host separate blogs for them. But time and health issues have kept me from making them all that different lately. That will change over the next few months. This blog will continue to feature news, excerpts and other ramblings about the erotic-romance writings of Celine Chatillon. My more mainstream (G to PG rated) book news will be found exclusively at Confessions of a Blonde Writer: http://momsday.blogspot.com . The Brandi Whyne series has a blog site of its own, too. As the series relaunches Brandi will be having more fun and games there as well: http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com . Please become a “follower” of any and all of my blogs by clicking on the “follow this blog” button on the right hand side. Thank you.

What is it? Whatever it was--it works!

I used to share lots of fun and fascinating articles and web sites I came across on the ‘net in my e-newsletter, but in this day and age of Twitter, I tend to “tweet” them instead. If you’d like to follow my infrequent tweets, I invite you to become one of my followers. http://www.twitter.com/cynthianna3

I enjoy interacting with my readers, my friends, family members and other denizens of the electronic age at my author page at Facebook, too. You can “like” my author page at http://www.facebook.com/cynthianna.celinechatillon This past month, I sponsored a contest for new members of my Facebook page. (You can read about it there.) A free e-book prize has been awarded to Linda for joining my Facebook page and leaving a comment. I plan on doing some more giveaways and contest promos again in the future, so keep checking back here for details.

Slowly I’m becoming more in tune with the digital world around me… And I am publishing on a more regular basis again. Many of my books are now available in Kindle format (especially Celine’s titles), so if you got a Kindle for Christmas or your birthday, can I entice you to give them a try? You can find direct links to my Kindle books at my Amazon author pages:
Celine Chatillon: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002CQY3BM
Cynthianna: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002CQZYGK
Book reviews and “tagging” and “liking” of my books at Amazon is appreciated.

Mardi Gras tip #6: If you're nice to the parade marshals and the cops, you get more beads!

I’m still updating my author pages at Goodreads. I should get there in the end, but if you’re tech-savvy and can walk me through it, feel free to drop me a line and share your sage advice. Thanks! So far, I think I’ve discovered Celine’s author page and updated it at http://www.goodreads.com/celinechatillon_cynthianna
If you’re a Goodreads junkie, please feel free to become my “fan” and rate/review my books.

Okay, now’s the time to actually blog a little about my upcoming releases…

Faster than a speeding tortoise… More powerful than a praying mantis… Able to leap tall buildings if such things as a gargantuan trampoline and a circus trapeze catch net were available to all… Look up at your computer monitor! It’s not a bird, it’s not a plane, it’s

Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures!

Check out the new cover art--Brandi is hot! (And I love her boots.)

The long awaited, desperately longed for, long absent sixth chapter, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, is about to make its debut at eXtasy Books. No release date has been given yet, but let’s say I do keep reminding my editor that I literally left Brandi hanging up in the air in the fifth installment. If you want to see what I mean, check out Brandi’s blog at http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com for a recap of the… action… and what’s coming in the next story besides Brandi and several dozen horny Time Bandits.

Brandi hopes to make her blog a place where fans of the series can hang out, find out about upcoming stories, and leave her questions in the comments section. She fancies herself as a sort of “Lonely Hearts” advice columnist I think, so ask her something and see how she responds. ;-)

Excerpts, review blurbs and more about Brandi Whyne: http://www.cynthianna.com/brandi.html

Direct links to the Brandi Whyne series available for the Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002CQY3BM

Here’s something different I’ve written lately—I’m writing sketch comedy and I’ve seen it produced onstage at a local night club. My husband, fellow erotic romance author A. J. Matthews, and I know Brendan Allen, an up and coming actor. We thought we’d like create some new material for him and his fellow cast members. Our sketch “2011: A Fridge Oddity” was performed this past week by The Non-Prophets Theater group during their “Non-Prophet Militant Propaganda Bingo Machine” sketch night at Lemmon’s in St. Louis. We really enjoyed seeing our work performed and thought the cast did a great job. They might even do another sketch we wrote next month.

So just in case you’ve always wondered where Brandi got her comedic timing… Now you know! ;-)

Both my romantic fiction persons are working together on another science fiction book series along with several other writers. We’re still in the preliminary planning stages and we don’t want to spill the beans just yet—sorry. Keep it tuned here for updates… particularly if you’re a fan of vampires, steampunk, action-adventure and romantic-suspense.

This new blog post has gone on long enough! If you want to see what my other romantic person Cynthianna is up to bookwise, head on over to her “Confessions of a Blonde Writer” blog—now. And be sure you leave a comment here about what all you'd like to see in upcoming blogs.

Brandi Rides Again!

2011-03-11T18:20:00.000-08:00

Coming Soon from eXtasy Books and the wickedly wacky mind of Celine Chatillon...

What do you get when Star Wars meets Sherwood Forest? Mix in a little Pirates of the Caribbean, Fanny Hill and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and you get Brandi Whyne… And Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures with Robin Manhood and His Totally Sexed-Out Space Pirates. With a series title that long, you know it’s going to be filled with loads of laughs, tons of sci-fi fun and plenty of hot sex!

In Chapter Six, Kidnapped by Time Bandits, Brandi is sucked into an alternate dimension and forced to do a little sucking on some not-so-nice space pirates—including Robin Limpdick, the evil twin of her own lover Robin Manhood. After a good licking, she meets Captain Jacques Swallows and his right hand man Francois who put her to the test. Can Brandi convince the Time Bandits that the crew of the Pulsating Purple Parsnip can do more than just throw a great orgy?

Kidnapped by Time Bandits! is not quite yet available for sale at eXtasy Books, but you can catch up on her first five adventures at the links below:

Captured by Space Pirates!

Lashed at the Mast!

Bound for Adventure

Little John's Big Problem

The Search for Brandi's Crack

More info, excerpts and review blurbs at this link: http://www.cynthianna.com/brandi.html

Here's hoping you'll become a part of Brandi's fan club until then!

Steal this banner--put it up at your blog or web site. Help spread the word about Brandi Whyne's Incredibly Erotic Adventures! ;)

2011: The Year Without Health Insurance

2011-03-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

In January, I started off 2011 with my blog post 2011: The Year Without Snark, a plea for more civility on the Internet and in all our personal communications. Thanks to all who commented or have taken the pledge seriously and are doing your best to eradicate snark in all its nasty forms.

This month, I’m tackling yet another example of uncivilized behavior apparent in the world today, particularly in the good ol’ U.S.A. You’d be correct in assuming this is a piece about the unfair current state of health care in this country. What you might not have guessed is that I, your dear blogger, am caught in the middle of the whole sordid mess.

Yes, I’m one of those Americans who *gasp!* are currently without decent health insurance.

Since there really is no “emergency back-up plan” for Americans once they’re unemployed (or the family member whose insurance plan included them becomes unemployed) other than the ridiculously expensive COBRA option, we go overnight from being freely allowed in the front door of a doctor’s office if we have a complaint to being told (sometimes politely, sometimes not) to get lost. I think the acronym COBRA says it all—we are transformed into poisonous snakes who aren’t worthy of a fairly priced (or free for those who can’t afford it) health insurance plan. And the fear of snakes is a very common phobia indeed.

So we are forced to choose between health care and food and shelter. After the last month of record setting low-temperatures and snow dumps in the Midwest, guess which items we chose to fund? Well, we didn’t quite freeze and we didn’t eat like kings, but we’re still here.

At the prodding (read: demanding) of my mother, I finally found an overpriced, super-high deductible, temporary health insurance plan we can barely afford to tie us over for at least six months. However, I hold little hope that it will actually help out much should the need arise. If the deductible is more money than you have, and you’re currently unemployed and living on your meager savings, how the heck are you suppose to meet the deductible? Will a surgeon perform emergency surgery knowing you’re only going to pay him a small fraction of the bill? I suspect hospitals routinely use these temporary health insurance cards for toilet paper for all their worth.

To be honest, I carried my defunct insurance card in my wallet around for a while, so overwhelmed was I at the prospect of being denied medical help. I figured if I was in a coma or knocked unconscious, the paramedics or police would rummage around in my purse and find the said lapse insurance card and assume that I was properly insured and would give me the emergency medical care I require. Only after I became conscious and they found out the truth would they have been forced to kick me out of my I.C.U. bed and tell me not to come back until I could afford treatment.

Yes, it is a worse case scenario, and I do have an overactive imagination I’ll admit, but somehow I get the feeling this scenario is based more on fact than on fiction.

Since no one enjoys a whiner, I direct your attention now to a blog written by a friend who expresses her concerns over the current healthcare debacle quite well:
souptonutts.blogspot.com

How can we prevent our fellow unemployed/underemployed citizens from discovering their health isn’t important as those with money and power just because they’re not carrying around a current, decent health insurance card? You do wonder if the darn cards aren’t made of platinum or gold… In some way, perhaps they are.

ADDITIONAL: I'm currently reading Inside WikiLeaks by Daniel Domscheit-Berg, a former insider who describes the whole WikiLeaks phenomenon. One of the more interesting quotes I've come across has to deal with a leak about a German pharmaceutical company.

...The public didn't take much interest in the files we published in November 2009 concerning a German pharmaceutical company. If I had to name my favorite leaks from that year, these files would definitely be among them. They read like a case study in corruption and can be easily understood by laymen.

The files concerned payments made by pharmaceutical representatives to doctors so that they would prescribe more of the company's medications. We published ninety-six pages of investigations carried out by police and prosecutors. They detailed the practices used by some pharmaceutical company representatives. If doctors prescribed their patients those products, they received a cut of the additional profits. Moreover, there were direct payments. In an internal e-mail, one of the company's regional directors had written, "If a doctor wants money, call me and we'll find a way." Another means of encouraging physicians to prescribe more of the company's products was to give them coupons for expensive seminars.

---from Inside WikiLeaks, pp. 50-51. (Daniel Domscheit-Berg with Tina Klopp, Crown Publishers, NY)

It does make one wonder who really is driving healthcare costs through the roof--the doctors, the insurance companies or the pharmaceutical industry. Of course, we'll blame (and double bill) the patients... After all, they can help it if they get sick or injured, can't they?

Pride and Peg-judice

2011-02-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

Update: And just in time for Valentine's Day...

"Pride and Peg-judice: a vignette not by Jane Austen"

Let us know what other literary or historical characters you'd like to see in a video. We've had a lot of fun making them!

Happy Valentines Day!

2011-02-01T12:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day! Yes, we've made it through January and on to February and the winter storm of the century. Today we're stuck inside with nothing better to do than to try and cheer everyone up. What better way than by posting a short and funny video?

Enjoy "Cupid to the Rescue"--and tell us what you think. :)

Cupid, Tom and Becky are all "Pocket Personalities", a new arts endeavor by me and my very creative husband. We thought others might enjoy owning a miniature character from literature or history that means something special. They make excellent teaching aids for educators and of course they make super gifts. Plus, we are taking personal commissions, our first big project being a complete "family portrait" for my sister's family. That's fourteen kids, grandkids, husbands and wives altogether in peg doll form.

It certainly is a different than making everyone sit for a stuffy and boring oil painting to hang on the wall, don't you think? Who wouldn't enjoy seeing their loved ones in doll form? (And they make a great way to teach little ones about their family members.)

Pocket Personalities now available at Theophilus Saxe's Emporium:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/theophilussaxe

2011: The Year Without Snark

2011-01-01T15:45:00.001-08:00

I’ve just about had it with 2010, and now that it’s over with, so much the better!

The year itself didn’t aggravate me. The blistering month long heat wave in summer didn’t do it. The fact that I was injured on the job, became unemployed and don’t have health insurance doesn’t even raise my blood pressure as much as this one thing does. A small outbreak of tornados on New Years Eve about a mile down the road from our neighborhood didn’t even rile me. What truly got my goat this past year were some of my fellow human beings’ lousy, mean-spirited attitudes and how they expressed them publicly.

Consequently, my number one new year’s resolution for 2011 is to ELIMINATE ALL TRACE OF SNARKINESS FROM THE FACE OF THE PLANET.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, here are a couple of definitions. From the Urban Dictionary:

Snarky: Critical in a curmudgeonly sort of way.

From David Denby’s book Snark: A Polemic in Seven Fits (Subtitled It’s Mean, It’s Personal, and It’s Ruining Our Conversation), Simon & Schuster, 2009:

Snark attacks individuals, not groups, though it may appeal to a group mentality, depositing a little bit more toxin into already poisoned waters. Snark is a teasing, rug-pulling form of insult that attempts to steal someone’s mojo, erase her cool, annihilate her effectiveness, and it appeals to a knowing audience that shares the contempt of the snarker and therefore understands whatever references he makes. It’s all jeer and josh, a form of bullying that, except at its highest levels, beggars the soul of humor.

Bullying. Jeering. Teasing. Insulting. Contempt. Real positive behavior there, snarkers.

Whether you believe like Denby that the word “snark” originated with Lewis Carroll’s classic nonsense poem, “The Hunting of the Snark”, or it comes from a combination of the words “snide” and “remark”, I hope you agree with me that it’s not a positive form of communication. “Snide remark” pretty much says it all.

I’m tired of all the unnecessary snideness in the world today. It’s mean, it’s low and it doesn’t help people feel any better about their situation when snarkers are trying to score laughter points off their fellow human being’s misery by being sarcastic. I guess the idea of “killing someone with kindness” has transformed itself with “killing someone with verbal abuse.”

Case in point, what did I do to deserve a snarky email response to simply applying for a job? If I’m not qualified or the position is filled, simply say so and can the self-righteous nasty reply. It makes one wonder about the qualifications of an individual working in a human resources department who would go to all this trouble to keep me from ever applying to that firm again. (Don’t worry. If that’s the snarky attitude prevalent there, I won’t.)

Whatever happened to good manners? Are they dead and gone in our society never to be seen again? I don’t think so. I think they’re still out there, cowering in the shadows, afraid of being shot down by the multitude of snarky commentators out there. But those of us who follow Thumper’s Rule (“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothing at all.”) I say it’s time to stand up and speak out (politely, of course) against snark and end this plague of negative nincompoops for good.

I realize this is probably an insurmountable task. I know I can’t do it all myself, so I’m asking you to join me on this worthy crusade. Pass the word about the internet via Twitter, Facebook, My Space and What-Have-You-App on your iPhone or Droid and let others know that you, too, are sick and tired of nastiness in tweets, messages, emails, in witty but acid-laced book/theatre/movie/product reviews, hatred expressed in literature or drama as a whole and in the way many think a normal conversation must start with some sort of put-down. To put it simply in Nancy Reagan’s famous parlance: JUST SAY NO TO SNARK.

Look at me—I’m resorting to all capitals to get my point across, a trick I abhor as a copyeditor. It just goes to show how angry I am whenever I encounter snark!

If you agree with me, sign the form below and post it on your bulletin board at work, school, home, church or on a telephone poll on the way to the grocery store. Encourage others to do the same.

2011: THE YEAR WE SAY “NO” TO SNARK

I solemnly swear that I will do just that—not swear, or resort to unkind words or the verbal bullying of my fellow Internet inhabitants, my friends, family members, co-workers, strangers or other persons unknown—and that I will do my best to lessen the evil impact of all incidences of snark I encounter by encouraging good manners, constructive criticism and kindness to all parties involved.

SIGN:

DATE:

Please leave a comment on this blog and tell me what plans or successes you’ve had in this campaign against rudeness. Together we can make this a better world!

the eXtasy Books Holiday Party

2010-12-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

Here's a couple of photos of the handmade gift I'm giving away for our eXtasy Books prize drawing...

A Gothic-inspired ring/jewelry box. The perfect spot for that special someone or yourself to hide a ring, a necklace or vampire fangs.

Join me at the eXtasy Holiday Party all day long, Saturday December 11th, and you could win a prize! More details at: http://www.extasybooks.com/ExtasyHolidaypage/extasyq.html

So stop in to the eX Factor Yahoogroup this Saturday and see what else you'll be able to win... Happy Holidays!

The Christmas Tree Without Presents

2010-12-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

The lights shine just as brightly on a Christmas tree without presents.

And there's a whole lot more room under it to position your nativity scene, Christmas village, HO train track, stuffed animals, Santa figurines or other decorations you've accumulated and managed to hang on to over the years.

Looking at my Christmas tree this year, I can see just how much I have been blessed. I have been fortunate to accumulate many ornaments just by living this long and for having friends and family members who have gifted me with such treasures. None of my ornaments are what you'd call "pricey", but to me they are "price-less". What price can you put on love and good memories?

It's a difficult holiday season for us this year without an income and without much hope of finding jobs in this bleak economy, but for now we can afford to keep the lights turned on our Christmas tree and that is enough. When I think of all those who don't even have this much--no place to call home or no tree filled with the ornaments of good memories--I try to stop my pity-party and mentally kick myself in the rear. But I won't lie to you--it's difficult.

If I could give everyone in the world a gift, I'd like to give the gift of hope. Hope that tomorrow the tree will have presents and that the lights will always be turned on, twinkling in the darkness, proclaiming that a Light bigger than ourselves is shining over us. May He shine over us all forever.

A book trailer I helped to make...

2010-11-13T09:10:00.000-08:00

Check out this cool book trailer I helped create this week. I took a lot of the photos that were used as a basis for the "sketches" and located a few of the others. The music from Incompetech.com is really stirring, too, don't you think?

Better yet, The Hetzenberg Chronicles: Volume 1, is now on sale until the end of the year. It's available at Amazon and via the publisher, Smiling Assassin Productions, too. The author always gets more royalties if you buy directly through the publisher, you know. Remember that whenever you shop at Amazon. ;-)

More videos should be on their way soon and can be found at our You Tube "Smiling Assassin Presents" Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/cynthianna63?feature=mhsn

Enjoy!

Smiling Assassin Presents...

2010-11-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

The hubby and I finally did it!

Check out our new video showcasing some of our most original and functional designs for the most discriminating SF/Fantasy/Steampunk enthusiast:

Smiling Assassin Presents...

Enjoy! (And don't forget to contact us early with your holiday orders.) ;)

http://www.smilingassassin.com

"Original and Functional art for gamers and SF fans"

Why Can't We All Just Learn to Recycle?

2010-09-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

You’re not seeing things—that’s a piano….sitting by a dumpster. It’s being thrown out. It wasn’t a particularly good piano (I couldn’t get it to make a sound), but you’d think its last owner could have found another home for it instead of simply tossing it out on the junk heap, wouldn’t you?

I discovered the piano the other night while out walking with the hubby. He honestly didn’t see it when I pointed it out to him, and he’s got better eyesight than I do. The reason he didn’t see it was probably because there are so many items being dumped in our neighborhood on a weekly basis that something the size of a piano doesn’t really make a mark on your conscious. We regularly spy sofas, overstuffed chairs, kitchen tables, end tables, mattresses, dressers, plastic cabinets, bookshelves, entertainment centers, televisions, lamps, urns, carpets, Christmas decorations, etc., being put out with the trash. A lot of these items we’ve put to good use, too.

And before you ask, yes, we do have mandatory recycling where we live. We have to sort our garbage out into bins for plastics, papers, metals and other recyclable materials. But for some unknown reason, you can’t make people pick up the phone and call Goodwill or the Salvation Army to take away these large items to sell and put the money to good use. Sad, isn’t it?

If you don’t want to garage sale your items, put them on Craig's List, or donate them to a charity shop, people like us will continue to put them to good use ourselves (if we can use and/or move the item—the piano was a bit out of our league). But wouldn’t it be nice if we could all come up with a better alternative to rid ourselves of old furniture items rather than sending them off to the landfill?

Hot Time in the City

2010-08-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hot time! Summer in the city--back of my neck gettin' hot and gritty!

Yeah, it's summer, it's sweltering, and my melted brain has resorted to quoting (badly I might add) lyrics from a classic top 40 hit. It can't get much worse than this, huh?

Well, all hasn't been that bad this summer. The handsome man and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on July 3rd. Yipee!! We still haven't killed each other (yet) in spite of the heat. The honeymoon keeps going on and on.

Revisiting the scene of the crime--er, our wedding in the park gazebo!

And we've done a bit of "time-traveling" again at a regional historical re-enactment. Here are some photos from the first ever "Muster at Forest Glen". It was held at a very lovely park near Danville, Illinois, and a good contingent of French and Indian War re-enactors showed up (in spite of the horrible heat and humidity) and some of the public did as well, too.

Discussing topics of high importance--like how to avoid the French field surgeon who'd bleed you to death!

Drilling before the battle.

You try smiling in the heat in all these layers. Our ancestors were first-rate masochists!

Big cannon goes KA-BOOM!

Diana demonstrates the art of spinning to eager young minds.

Adrian hits the bullseye with his tomahawk throw. Don't mess with him, Frenchpersons!

The British contingent at colors.

As soon as it cools down here, I promise to write something more coherent. In the meantime, all we can do is sit and fan ourselves silly... There's really nothing else one can do when it's 110 degrees in the shade, is there?

Seven for Seduction Now on Sale!

2010-06-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

It’s here at last… SEVEN FOR SEDUCTION from Liquid Silver!

What’s a “token male” to do? Brent Davison finds himself stuffed with homemade goodies, herbal cures and attempts to sign him up to play a sport he despises. The only sane person in the all female office is his sexy cubical neighbor, Jodi Baker.

There’s no way Jodi will take her co-workers up on their wild bet to see who can seduce the mysterious Brent first. Let the others go for it—she’ll take no notice of him. Strangely enough, it’s Jodi’s leaving Brent alone that turns him on the most…

An excerpt from SEVEN FOR SEDUCTION:

“Brent, I have a confession.” Jodi put down her fork and looked straight at him. “I’m not really all that comfortable with the casual sex thing.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “I have to admit that I’m not all that comfortable, either.”

“Really? Whew!” She smiled and wiped imaginary beads of sweat off her forehead. “That’s a relief… Then what the heck are we doing here?”

“Eating Chinese food?”

They laughed again and finished their dinner with more small talk.
At last, Jodi put her napkin down beside her plate. “Seriously, though. I feel as iflike I’ve been leading you on, Brent, and that’s wrong of me. I want to apologize. I will invest in a whole new office wardrobe–complete with burlap bags and face veils if it will make things easier for you.”

“Good grief, no! Never cover that beautiful face of yours. It would be a sin.”

Her big hazel eyes glistened with unshed tears. Her full bottom lip trembled.

“You think I have a beautiful face?”

She sounded doubtful, unsure of her own desirability, her own worth as a woman. It was that idiot who left her at the altar! He had wounded her soul. She felt vulnerable like he felt whenever Helena had made a casual comment about his lack of dressing skills or his unkempt hairstyle.

She needed his approval–not his rejection.

Instinctively Brent reached out across the table and pulled her into his arms. He repeatedly kissed and caressed her face as she sat in his lap, stroking her back while she rubbed herself against his stiffening erection, fanning the flames of passion between them.

“You are beautiful, Jodi,” he whispered into her hair. “Don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise.”

“You’re not bad-looking yourself,” she murmured, returning his kisses with magical busses of her own. “I thought we said we both weren’t good at this casual sex business.”

“Who said anything about ‘casual’?”

And then before Brent fully realized what he was doing, he swept Jodi up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom…

SEVEN FOR SEDUCTION now on sale at Liquid Silver Books.

The City of the Sun

2010-05-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

We toured Cahokia, the so-called "lost city of the sun", over Memorial Day weekend. I had briefly mentioned the Cahokians, and even gave a possible reason to their sudden disappearance in my book HANGING WITH A TIME SURFER, but I hadn't visited it in person until now.

There are many, many "mounds" of various sizes and shapes at the site, but it is Monk's Mound that is by far the most famous. Over twenty-two million cubic tons of dirt was hauled by human labor alone to create the structure. The Cahokians did not have pack animals. It took about 300 years they estimate for them to build the final mound as we see it today, from about 900 to 1200 AD.

A recreation of some of the towering stockade that surrounded the "sacred precincts" of Monk's Mound and the homes of the elite citizens. 20,000 trees were used and it was over 2 miles in circumference. It was rebuilt about four times in the history of the city. With an urban density of 4500 people per square mile, Cahokia (or whatever its true name was--now lost as well) was every bit as cosmopolitan as the St. Louis metro area in which it resides currently.

The Monk's Mound as seen from across the way. It does look like a hill--but how the heck did a hill get there? Eventually, the thick-headed French and English speakers in the 18th century figured out it was a man-made construction. Still, they built farms on top of it, potentially damaging precious archaeological remains.

It was the equivalent of walking up ten flights of steps to get to the top of Monk's Mound. Yes, that's TEN flights of steps. On a hot, humid, sunny day... good exercise!

The brave adventurers made it to the top of the Monk's Mound and have enough energy to smile!

Adrian points out the summer solstice at the "Woodhenge" calendar site. They built a sun calendar similar to Stonehenge. Actually they built about 5 or 6 of them over the centuries. Predicting the seasons were important to the Cahokians, who planted an abundance of corn and traded widely, from Wisconsin to the tip of Florida and from the Eastland woodlands to the Rockies.

Everyone loves a good mystery, and the "lost city of the sun" is a good one. The worrisome problem is that this U.N. World Heritage Site could be "lost" once more--to urban sprawl. We need to do what we can to save the memories of our ancestors before it is too late. Learn more about Cahokia and how you can help preserve our nation's prehistoric heritage at their web site: http://www.cahokiamounds.org/

Steampunk!

2010-04-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

Chip-chip! Cheerio! We're off on an African safari... Not quite! Keep reading to see where these wonderfully costumed individuals are up to.

Steampunk takes on the science fiction genre from a sort-of-Jules Verne or H.G. Wells point of view. These photos were taken recently at the first annual Steamposium convention. This shot shows Captain (Professor) Theophilus Saxe admiring a bit of steampunk ingenuity at the City Museum in St. Louis, Missouri. "Marvelous stuff!" cried the professor. What does it do? We haven't a clue!

Baron Von Bar demonstrated his portable refreshment device. Quite interesting. I can imagine it would be very popular at fraternity parties and spring holidays for collegiate types.

Professor Saxe stands proudly at the gates. Pith helmets and paramilitary garb seems to work well within the steampunk genre. (And it just plain looks good while standing next to an example of Victorian architecture.)

The professor enjoyed a ride in a Victorian "lift" even while it was grounded at the architectural display at the City Museum.

Advanced weaponry with a brass and copper twist were evident. This Prussian officer's weapon was quite imposing (but harmless).

Who you going to call when you have Victorian era ghosts? You know who--Ghostbusters Steampunk style!

You can never how too many brass bits on your head. Never at a steampunk tea party!

These charming gentlemen were typical of your steampunk enthusiast. Extremely bright and creative, you can see that our gent in the red waistcoat doesn't let the 9 pound mechanical arm resting on his shoulder frighten him away.

Because, after all, steampunk is a fun activity for the whole family--right down to the youngest explorer in the group. The professor and I certainly had a good time at Steamposium and can't wait until we can don our pith helmets and brass goggles once more.

Rebirths and Renewals

2010-03-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

The last week of winter turned into a beautiful spring-like fest in the Midwest. It has greatly revived my spirits.

I’ve always liked the springtime. Spring is the season of rebirths and renewals. The tiny crocus flower pokes its tender green shoots above the cold soil, promising delicate purple blossoms within the week. The daffodils and lilies soon follow heralding Easter, the celebration of the resurrection of our savior—the ultimate rebirth, the victory of love over death itself.

On a more ordinary level, March brings a novel release from yours truly, the re-release of my alter-ego Cynthianna's romantic-comedy of errors Scrambled Eggs. The story starts out on a windy early spring day where our heroine Sharlene literally runs over the hero Zack on a street corner with a baby carriage. Yeah, you got that right--a baby carriage. I think the whimsical cover art depicts the scene pretty accurately, with equal amounts of humor, attraction and embarrassment evident.

To buy Scrambled Eggs head over to Mojocastle Press. You can read a short excerpt as well there.

Speaking of new releases, I’ve got a new domain name for my non-fiction site. The "old last name" is no more, since I've been married for almost nine joyous months to fellow author Adrian J. Matthews. The new domain name is CindyAMatthews.com and I have another re-release coming soon from Smiling Assassin Productions. My funny writer’s guide, The Curse of the Manuscript-Eating Slushpile Monster, which is currently available in e-formats from Uncial Press, will soon become available in a handy trade paperback print book. Retitled Defeating the Slushpile Monster, it contains the same helpful info as the Uncial Press e-book with the added bonus of a few extra tips from my booklet Straight Answers to Tough Writing Questions. Yes, wannabe writers you’ll get all this along with a great (and funny) new cover, too.

March really is the month of rebirths and renewals. Hopefully my fiction and my non-fiction books will help jumpstart my rather sluggish writing career. March being my birthday month as well, you might say I've "renewed" myself by turning another year older. Hmm... looking at all the candles on my cake, maybe I should have skipped that particular renewal, huh?

Happy Easter, y'all!

Love is...a Banoffee Pie

2010-02-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

Love is… a Banoffee Pie

I was going to write something deeply profound and touching about how wonderful it is when you finally meet your soul mate and marry him and share a lovely, romantic weekend together… but I won’t.

Instead, I will give you all a recipe for Banoffee Pie.

What has a delicious toffee-cream-banana-topped pie in a graham cracker crust got to do with love? A lot, since my beautiful soul mate is making one for me this very instant in honor of our first Valentine’s Day together as man and wife. And if you can’t figure out how several cups of brown sugar and condensed milk shows how “sweet” he is on me, then you need to stop rinsing your mouth out daily in vinegar and watch a marathon of Groundhog Day, The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates.

Then you’ll see what I mean.

Banoffee Pie

1 - graham cracker pie crust (or make a crushed cookie pie crust of your own choosing)

5 ½ oz. unsalted butter
2/3 cup of brown sugar
14 oz. can condensed milk

2 –bananas cut up in coin-shaped slices
10 oz. whipping cream
some chopped, toasted hazelnuts (if you like)
chocolate shavings (if you like)

To make the toffee filling, place butter and sugar in a saucepan and heat until the sugar is dissolved, the pour in the condensed milk. Cook over a medium heat for 5 – 6 minutes, stirring continuously until the mixture has thickened and turned golden. Hint: scrape the bottom of the pan continuously as you stir. Don’t overcook it or your mixture will turn to thick fudge.

Pour the toffee mixture into the pie crust and chill one hour until firm.

Slice bananas and place on top of the toffee mixture. Whip the cream until it holds its shape and pile on top of the bananas, then decorate the top with chopped nuts and chocolate shavings as you like. Enjoy!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Winning Resolutions

2010-01-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

Two silly authors mug at the camera on New Year's Eve

Happy 2010 everyone out there in blogland! I admit to being slow getting around to making my list of things I want to accomplish this year. And I have the same ol’ excuses as last year—no time, day job, stress, too much on my plate, etc. If I can suspend reality for a moment and pretend that everything in my “real world” is going smoothly, I can focus my thought processes on the important stuff—that is, creating romantic fiction and sharing it with my readers.

So without further ado…

1. I resolve to have at least one book release this year.

2. I resolve to write at least one new story, screenplay, novel or novella this year.

3. I resolve to keep up better with my online blogs, forum, newsletters, My Space pages, Facebook and Yahoogroups. (If I can ever figure out Twitter, I will try to keep up with that one as well!)

In order to meet these goals, I promise to:

1. Become better organized, particularly with my time.
2. Give in less to anxiety and frustration.
3. Focus more on the joy of writing rather than on the stress of not being able to make ends meet.

I’ve got at least two books coming out this year—so that’s one third of my resolutions met already!

Scrambled Eggs will be a Mojocastle Press release written under my "Cynthianna" pen name. Scrambled Eggs knocks the classic “secret baby” storyline on its head. Sharlene has fallen for the father of her unborn child--and she doesn’t even know it’s him!

Sharlene always wanted a baby, but her husband only wants a child to secure his position in his wealthy uncle’s will. A mix-up at the fertility clinic reveals his hypocrisy, prompting a pregnant Sharlene to strike out on her own.

Single Sharlene “runs into” struggling part-time college student Zack and falls for him. Will Zack love a child that isn’t his? And will Zack find the courage to tell Sharlene that he’s a former sperm donor and possibly the real father of her child before she goes into labor?

My second release in 2010, Seven for Seduction (written under my Celine Chatillon pen name), will be a Liquid Silver Books release in the coming months. It’s the story of Jodi and her co-workers in an all female office. One day, her boss hires Brent, a “token male”. Now it’s a free-for-all with every gal trying to get the guy first.

Jodi decides she’s not up for such shenanigans and refuses to play the game. But somehow it’s Jodi refusing to play that turns Brent on the most…

Moral of the story? Sometimes when you don’t try so hard you do win!

Here’s to all of our “winning resolutions” this year. Let me know what a few of your resolutions are, and I’ll toss your name into the hat for a free copy of Seven for Seduction or Scrambled Eggs when they come out. You’ve got nothing to lose playing this game. ;-)

Dear Santa...

2009-12-13T16:23:00.001-08:00

Dear Santa,

It’s been many years since I’ve written you a letter. I apologize for that, but you know how it is. You grow up and you get really busy raising children and working and generally just trying to survive that you never quite find the time to check in with old friends. This year has been no exception—and, in fact, has been busier and more hectic than ever—but something just starting niggling in the back of my mind telling me that I should drop you a line. Here goes.

“What do I want for Christmas?” you ask. I have everything I want this Christmas, thank you very much. I have my handsome husband Adrian who is every girl’s dream man beside me and things couldn’t be better. My oldest daughter is coming home for Christmas from her graduate studies abroad, and she’s staying with us for the month. I am very grateful for that, but after the month of sharing the same bathroom we might be singing a different tune.

My youngest daughter will be home soon from college, too. She can’t wait to see her sister, and I can’t wait to see her. She attends school only 120 miles away, but she rarely gets a ride into town. I’m praying for reconciliation and times of honest conversation with both her and her sister.

If there’s one thing I wish you could bring me, Santa, it’s another way to make a living. I really miss writing and promoting my books, but it doesn’t pay the rent (or even the groceries or the electric bill). My day job is now ten hours a day and they’re pressuring me to work overtime as well. I physically and mentally can’t take it much longer there. Could you please help me to find a more uplifting job closer to where I live that doesn’t drain me so much? With the extra time and flow of creative juices, I could get back into writing again. It would make me ever so happy. Thanks.

Also, if you could, can you tell those folks on your “naughty” list that pirating e-books (as well as song files and movies) is just plain wrong? I never really worried about e-book pirating until recently—the big sales of Kindles and Sony e-Readers has caused the plague of e-piracy to grow. I’ve even come across some of my books being pirated at various pirate sites. I suppose I should feel flattered, but instead I feel worse than ever. I have little energy to write lately with the long hours at the day job that I’m forced to take since writing pays so very little, and people are stealing royalties from me whenever they don’t purchase my e-books from legitimate sources. And it’s not just me who is hurting—I have hundred of writing acquaintances who are also being robbed of royalties by e-pirates. I know many of these new Kindle owners don’t understand how important it is to us small fry authors and how little money we make on our books. Could you please put a bug in their ear and ask them how they’d feel if someone stole something they created so callously and without regard to the income they’re denying their families? Thanks again.

I suppose it’s time I sign off now, Santa. You’ve got a busy night coming soon, and you need to save your energy to give to those who are truly in need. I’m looking forward to the time when everyone everywhere will receive what they truly need at Christmas—of peace on earth, goodwill to men. Then the need to spend massive sums of money we don’t have, on presents we don’t really need, will simply fade away…

Affectionately yours,
Celine

Cannibal Feast!!

2009-10-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

What were you expecting on the week of Halloween? A cheery little blog about a quaint little garden party complete with tea and crumpets and scones with lemon curd?

This past week we were invited to a cannibal feast… And yes, a dead corpse was there along with pate of gray matter and other yummy bits like eyeballs, fingers and worms in dirt. After all, once you dismember the corpse and roast its innards, the worms get to have their feast on the leftovers.

One can’t arrive at a cannibal feast in just any ol’ regalia. Oh, no, no, no. One must arrive in the manner one has been invited, which means simply you can’t come dressed up as Dora the Explorer or Tinkerbelle (unless she’s a Goth Tinkerbelle with fangs—that would do nicely). So, my better half and I came as a gun-shot victim and a vampire victim from the 18th century. Our re-enactment clothing has really come in handy this year, as you can tell.

This fall has been cold and dark and damp here in the middle of the country, and what with the lackluster economy, things have seemed a bit bleak lately. It’s good to see that many can put these none-to-happy thoughts behind them and get into the Halloween ghoulish spirit. There’s nothing better to take your mind off your troubles like a good party and dress-up occasion. I recommend it highly. Plus, you could always pretend it’s your boss or co-workers who are being barbecued and presented for your consumption…

Bon appetite! (Burp!)

***
If you enjoy vampire stories minus the cannibal feasts, check out my Liquid Silver Book titles HELP! I’M FALLING FOR THE VAMPIRE NEXT DOOR and my novella “Blood Betrayal” in OF FLESH AND BLOOD. Excerpts available at LSB and at my web site: http://www.celinechatillon.com

Voyages Around the Timeline

2009-09-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, but I really have a good excuse this month. I’ve been traveling around the timeline.... Literally! No kidding. I even have some photos to prove it.

Before I forget, I’ll be traveling into the future the weekend of October 2-4 to Archon, a science-fiction convention in Collinsville, Illinois. I always enjoy meeting readers, fans and other interesting people at Archon, so be sure to drop in on one of the panels I’ll be on and introduce yourself. I hope to have some copies of my fantasy-screwball comedy, time-traveling novel, LOVING WHO, with me to sign and sell. (Keep your fingers crossed the publisher gets them to me in time.)

Other time periods I’ve experienced this past month include the pre-Civil War period in the “northernmost Confederate-sympathizing city” of Hannibal, Missouri. My husband, Adrian, and I even met and shook hands with Mark Twain “himself”. He’s looking great for his age. What a witty man—marvelously entertaining! Other sites of interest in the Hannibal area included eating at Lulabelle’s, a former bordello (it was in operation up until the 1950s) and touring not one, but two caves. Check out Hannibal for scenic views of the Mississippi and small town life as it was not so many decades ago.

During Labor Day weekend, we visited two historic forts across the Mississippi—Fort De Chatres and Fort Kaskaskia. The first is a French fort built in the early 18th century that was eventually demolished by the British after the French and Indian War. It is partially reconstructed and stands as a testament to a long ago time when other powers ruled this part of the world. Just a few miles down the road stands the remains of Fort Kaskaskia, where Lewis and Clark recruited a dozen men to go on their Voyage of Discovery in 1804. The cemetery of the lost city of Kaskaskia lies nearby, a testament to the power of the river to completely wipe out Illinois’ first capital city in the later half of the 19th century.

From the pre-Civil War period/early colonial era, we jumped back to the late 17th/early 18th century and the Spanish Main as we traveled to the St. Louis Pirate Fest up in Wentzville, Missouri. Yo-ho-ho and a nice pickled egg, me mateys! Pirate Fest has lots of fun entertainment from guys in short pants and more earrings than a jewelry store along with great music groups, such as "3 Pints Gone" and "Queen’s Gambit". We enjoyed food like “bangers and mash” and “jugged fish” while watching the pirates duke it out with the “French” of “Port Royal”. A family-friendly event, Pirate Fest is the last three weekends in September each year. Plan to come aboard!

We hovered around the 18th century and then plunged the next weekend into the 1750s to experience the intense drama of the French and Indian War at Koh-koh-mah, a historic reenactment near Kokomo, Indiana. Primitive camping with plenty of wood smoke permeating your clothes and hair--ah! It was enjoyable weekend in spite of the fact there were no showers or flush toilets. But, hey! This is 250 years ago… You just put on more layers of clothes to cover your funk. I enjoyed wearing long skirts up until Sunday afternoon when a short rain shower broke, drenching the reenacting field and muddying the hem of my nice gown.

But there’s no crying in reenactment—there’s just mud and dust and grime and smoke and lots of fun discussing the lifestyle of the French, British and Native Americans of the era. Adrian had a great time portraying a 78th Frasier Highlander shooting his musket at those pesky French persons who tried to take over the fictional fort. In the end, the British prevailed. (Historically speaking, twenty years down the road, these very same Frasier Highlander soldiers would go on to exact a sort of Scottish vengeance against their English cousins during the American Revolution.) The saddest thing to come out of the French and Indian War, however, is that it soured relations among the English speakers and the Native Americans who had formerly been their allies. The tribes who aligned themselves to the two European superpowers essentially signed away any goodwill they once shared with the white frontier peoples. Many reenactors demonstrated Native American arts and crafts and social/family life at Koh-koh-mah. Without “living historians” how would we know about their rich culture?

Another time travel stop we made this past month (alas, I didn’t have my camera!) was the Wilson’s Creek Battlefield near Springfield, Missouri. Site of one of the bloodiest battles of the early Civil War period, today it lies in a remote, quiet pasture of rolling hills and a bubbling creek… Hard to believe about 3,000 men lost their lives there on an August morning in 1861.

It’s fun being a time-traveler. I plan on using some of the great research I’ve done this past month in a future story or novel. I’d start writing it now if only I had the time--or a time machine!

Will Write for Food!

2009-08-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

Our wedding cake was rather unusual... It was shaped like a TARDIS, the time travel capsule from the BBC series Doctor Who.

I was going to write a little something about my recent marriage to fellow author AJ Matthews, but he beat me to the punch. To quote my English-born hubby: “Ah, bugger!” No matter, I can always find another lofty topic to pontificate upon for this blog, right?

That last sentence proves that I am rusty and don’t have a clue what to write, doesn’t it? Sigh!

I confess I’m terribly out of practice. Think of me as a ballplayer who has been injured and set out on the bench all summer long… and I haven’t been called in to play until the very last play of the very last game of the very last championship series. It’s all up to me to knock one out of the ballpark and make a big “hit” to the adoration of the cheering crowds. Oh, dear… I swung and missed. My confidence has struck out faster than my vain attempts at fanning the air.

(Hmm, note to self: Do not attempt to be creative while listening to the Rolling Stones croon the classic, “Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown”. Yeah, it’s a catchy tune with a great danceable beat but still… It just reinforces the fact that I’ve not been able to write anything more than an email in quite some time now, and I’m terrified I won’t be able to write something coherent.)

You’d think being recently married to the most gorgeous, most charming and loving male on Planet Earth would inspire me to write some hot love scenes—and don’t think that it doesn’t—but unfortunately the demanding “day job” gets in the way. It’s either spend what little energy and free time I retain after toiling in the salt mines all week long with the new handsome hubby or completely ignore him and my need for sleep and write. I have chosen the former and not the latter.

Given the choice of which of the two—writing or the day job—to give up the answer is rather easy—I’d lose the day job in a flash if I could support the two of us on my writing. Unfortunately, even when I was fairly free to write full-time, I still couldn’t make a living of it. Sure, I could pay a few bills and go to a few writers’ conferences, but I couldn’t consistently pay rent or keep the heat on in the winter. And always I have this need to eat… Not a lot, mind you, but at least three meals a day, or I pass out from hunger.

So when there’s a choice of write and starve (and freeze) the two of us or stay and slave in the salt mines, you can see what decision I’m forced to make.

But I am more than willing to keep looking for employment elsewhere—employment that doesn’t drain my physical energy and ruin my eyes staring at a flat screen (two actually) all day long and playing with numbers (not my forte). Any and all employers you might know of open looking for a creative type who doesn’t enjoy mindless data entry and anal retentive paper-pushing eight hours a day, any work you think might appeal to a displaced romance novelist, feel free to send my way. Thanks!

In the meantime, don’t forget to buy my books… I still have a few out there and every sale is appreciated. Thanking you in advance… and now it’s back to the grind. That salt doesn’t mine itself, you know!

Our Wedding Day

2009-07-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

Walking down the bridal path...

Yes, it's been a long time since I posted a blog or sent out a newsletter--please forgive me! I guess my best excuse for not writing lately is that I've had a lot on my mind, and now I have another good reason--and all six foot and handsome it is!

Here are some pictures from our recent wedding ceremony.

We are gathered here...

Adrian is British and a writer, too. Here is his web site. He enjoys historical re-enacting, hence our rather unique wedding apparel. I'm encouraging him to write now while he's waiting on Uncle Sam to process his paperwork to work legally in this country. But in the meantime, I'm working long hours in the "real world" to pay our bills. Sigh! I do miss writing fiction, non-fiction, anything but emails and brief Twitter or Facebook messages to friends and family, but I have simply neither the time nor the energy to do more. I have to also take care of my college-age daughters (translation: money, more of it needed) and I still do freelance editorial work on the side. There aren't enough hours in the day to really start a writing project, let alone finish one.

The happy couple in 1750s era costume.

I do have some ideas for future novels and stories, and eventually I hope to have my act together so I can at least get started on them. I'll be posting things here when I can, and I'll let you all know when I have any good news about my books in my monthly newsletter.

In the meantime, enjoy the photos of our happy wedding day! (I know I do!)

Alive and Well and Living in a Cleaner Home...

2009-05-24T19:30:00.001-07:00

I got some print copies of my novel LOVING WHO. Looks nice! Available at Amazon, too.

I know it’s been a while—almost two months since I checked in. Forgive me. It’s been stressful, but I’ve made it through to the end of May and happy days are right around the corner.

My fiancé is arriving this week! And I’ve been cleaning house like mad. I’ve not had the energy to do so recently, and I pulled my back out a few weeks ago, but somehow piece by piece I’ve picked up around here. Now to tackle the vacuuming… That might just send me back to the chiropractor if I’m not careful.

I’ve not done much in the way of creative writing, but I’ve been watching a lot of DVDs from the library lately. They’re free and if they’re not quite “latest releases” that’s okay with me. I’ve not been to a movie in the theatre in eons. Well, I’ll take that back. I did see one new movie this past month, Star Trek.

What did I think about it? Hmm… Do I give a spoiler alert or assume you’ve seen it (or heard all about it) already? I hate to spoil a movie for anyone, so I’ll take a neutral position. I’m withholding my opinion on it until I see a sequel. There’s got to be a sequel… It just seems too obvious they introduced all these characters in less than two hours not to bring them back for another two hours of action. Action junkies will love this new incarnation of Star Trek. Fans of the classic series might have a few quibbles with a few plot points (I did), but overall I think its heart is in the right place.

My heart is getting back to its “right place” too. Once my fiancé is here we’ll be planning our wedding in earnest. The Fourth of July is our tentative date. Why not celebrate Independence Day with a wedding? The fireworks are built in!

It’s shaping up to be an exciting summer. Hopefully I’ll find a moment free to do some writing, too.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

2009-04-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

The sun sets over Caister Castle--and so do I.

Another month has come and gone—and I didn’t get hardly anything I wanted to get done in March, done. For some reason, I just can’t give up sleeping, eating or taking daily showers. Those sorts of things really cut into your free time, you know—especially the sleeping.

I’m not getting any creative writing projects I’ve started finished. I’d had hoped to do so during my week off, but I just didn’t have the will to write more than a few pages on my work-in-progress. I’ll admit it, too—my heart simply isn’t into writing fiction lately. E-publishers are folding right and left it seems, taking some of my books along with them. I can’t afford to go to writing conferences and schmooze with the agents and editors from the big houses, so I can’t get a foot in the door by making a personal connection. And having a foot in the door seems to be the only way to gain the big guys’ attention these days.

Everyone with a computer seems to have written a book this past year. The submissions are flooding the slushpiles. You have to do something outrageous or illegal—or both—to get an editor’s attention. Just look at former governor Rod Blagojevich. He’s done both—and now he’s got his own radio talk show. You really wonder if becoming a criminal is where it’s at for becoming a best-selling author.

Oh, well. I can sit around and mope and groan, or I can crawl back into the saddle and get going again. Since I like horses, I’ll go the saddle route.

I think I’ll put the novel writing on hiatus until I’m unemployed at the end of May. Between trying to find another job and keeping the work I have currently, I don’t have energy to write creatively. I can write a short piece here or there (like my blogs), but the stamina to keep my concentration focused for 50,000 words or more isn’t there. I have to spend my free time sending out resumes and dealing with the rejection emails/snail mails. You think an editor’s rejection of your manuscript is bad? “Sorry, but we don’t want you to work for us,” is a lot worse, especially when your bills are due.

Lots of writers tell me this phase will pass, but I’m not so sure. It just feels like that if I give up writing fiction for a short while I’ll never return to it, and that’s tantamount to cutting out my heart. The good news is that my heart is in good hands. April may bring showers, but I’m hoping to have plenty of flowers by May when my fiancé arrives in the US. Then I’ll have another excuse for not writing—but it will be a much happier one!

Trying to Get My Groove Back

2009-02-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

You ever hear of the Book-in-a-Month challenge? I successfully completed one such challenge a few years back (My Brandi Whyne series). Recently, life has gotten in the way of me taking up another one. I need to get back into the habit of writing fiction regularly. I don’t have a month free at this point, but I do have a week. One whole week. I thought in March I’d do a “Book-in-a-Week” challenge during my spring break.

Am I insane? Well, of course I am! But everyone needs a goal, a swift kick to the pants to get them moving again. This certainly will motivate me to write, because to draft a whole novel (50,000 words approx.) in one week I will have to average twenty pages or more a day. That’s about twice as many pages as I’ve ever written in my life. Talk about a lofty goal!

The book I want to write in March is tentatively titled Leaving Who. It's the sequel to my fantasy-adventure-romantic-comedy Loving Who, which is now available in print at Amazon as well as in e-formats from Mojocastle Press.

Habits are hard to break, and I’m out of the habit of writing everyday. Sure, I write emails and work on other paying writing projects, but I’m exhausted by the end of the day from my day job. I fall into my desk chair after I come home from work and turn into an email junkie most nights. It’s not a pretty sight. I seem to be related to or befriended by every email joke junkie from here to Alpha Centauri. I can’t resist junk email, either. I sit brain dead for hours forwarding funnies and Maxine cartoons and chain prayers to friends and family members—who in return send them back to me—and soon I’m drowning in them. Help!

Long ago in the early days of the Internet, I purposefully didn’t check my email until after I’d written my “pages” for the day. I was more disciplined. I made myself write the scene, or as much as I could of a scene, before I dialed up and opened the email box that day. And I only had the one email address, too, and not the multitude I have nowadays.

I can’t easily get rid of the email addresses (they do come in handy at times), and I can’t tell my friends and relatives not to send me email jokes, funnies, prayers, links, and spoofs without hurting their feelings. But there is one thing I can do: I can make a promise to myself for one week to write those pages before I crack open the email box.

It’s going to be tough. I know it. I’ll have to get up early in the morning and not open the “box”… but the email will still be there, calling to me, enticing me away from my task. But I will persevere and make that valiant attempt to finish a novel manuscript. Wish me luck!

PS Check out my latest blog about St. Louis at the Examiner.com Feel free to leave a comment there--or here for that matter! I enjoy hearing back from readers.

These Times Are A' Changing

2009-01-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

These times are a'changing... Find out what these thousands are up to in the blog below!

Happy Chinese New Year!

It’s the Year of the Ox they say. Okay, it’s not as flashy as the Year of the Dragon or as comical as the Year of the Monkey, but where would we be without the dependable ol’ ox? We’d all be starving—or at least our ancestors would have starved and we wouldn’t be here now, would we? The ox pulls the plow, the plow tills the field so the farmer can sow grain, and the grain grows so we can have bread. Slow and steady, the ox is a dependable animal that shouldn’t be thought less of or teased for his understated elegance. So, Happy Year of the Ox! May all of us have the strength to trudge along, pulling our plows, like the sturdy, reliable ox.

I realize my New Year’s resolutions are already off, as this blog wasn’t updated earlier in the month as I had intended. I hit the ground running in 2009 with several freelance work projects, and I haven’t had a chance to come up for air until now. But it’s been an exciting year so far, right? We have a new president and hopefully a new sense of optimism. It’s time for a change. I agree.

I know I personally and professionally need to make some changes. I’m working on them—it is difficult and I’m a great procrastinator. I need more people in my life to hold me to my goals and make me work toward my dreams. I confess that I’ve not been writing fiction lately at all. My heart hasn’t been in it. I miss my daughters a lot, and I don’t hear from them often. I work a long, draining job and make a hideous commute daily, and it’s exacting a toll on my body and soul. I seem to catch all the viruses going around. I suffer back and leg pain to an excruciating degree some days. Bitch, bitch, whine, whine, moan, moan…

I would like to say my New Year’s resolutions include getting a decent paying job that isn’t located halfway across the county, but I have to be realistic. The unemployment rate is dismal here as it elsewhere. I’m pretty much stuck with what I’ve stumbled upon until I stumble upon another position. But I can make changes.

I can say that I will write more fiction this year and get those promised sequels to my fantasy-romantic-comedy LOVING WHO and the next story in “The Paranormal Lovers of St. Louis” series out there. I don’t make much money from my fiction writing, but I do enjoy it. Occasionally, one of my readers tells me that they enjoy it, too. That makes it all worth it.

One tiny bit of “change” I did today was go to an open casting call right here in the St. Louis area. Yeah—a movie with George Clooney is going to start filming here in March. It’s based on the novel Up in the Air, and they needed an airport terminal. Guess what? Since St. Louis is no longer a hub airport, Lambert Field has a completely empty concourse for them to use as a set. They need something like 2100 extras to fill it up. I thought, “Why not?” I might not get “the call” but at least I can say I tried.

(I actually have been an extra before, once on an indie film. I went running and screaming up a dark street in a low budget zombie flick. I had fun. Everyone should have to run away from zombies now and then.)

So in case I ever make it big on the Silver Screen, you can say you knew me when I was just a lowly, underpaid, struggling writer. Autographs will still be free, too. ;)

My Angels

2008-12-02T20:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a time for angels—angels on my tree, angels on my cards, angels on my door wreath. But angels don’t only present themselves for the holidays. Even if we don’t acknowledge them, they exist all year round. Angels surround us and guide us and nurture us. How can I honor some of my “angels”—those wonderful individuals who have helped me navigate through the rough waters of this past year?

I hand-painted some angel ornaments to present my personal angels as “awards” for their love and assistance, but my poor excuse for art can never be enough to thank them for the help and understanding they’ve given me.

To Elaine (and Doris), my angels at Authorlink: Thanks for another year of work and wonderment reading all those fascinating manuscripts. Here's to a better year in 2009!

To Irfan and Alma, my angels of car repair: Thanks for helping me band-aid my 12 year-old car together for yet another year. Your friendly optimism and auto expertise have kept me on the road for a minimum of cash outlay. And Alma—your Bosnian coffee can’t be beat!

To Joyce and Jerry, my angels of understanding and moral support: You’ve allowed me to help you with your mission to teach English as a Second Language to the immigrant community for six years now. You rescued me from the hospital E.R. when I was without transportation, and given me rides to a job interview and to the airport. Your smiles and belief in me keep me going when I feel overwhelmed. A mere “thank you” can never cover all the wonderful feelings I have for you two!

To Diane, Brooke and John, my angels of vocal music: Thank you all for allowing me to sing with your respective Sweet Adelines’ chorus, Praise Band, and Festival Choir. Singing saves my sanity—I owe you, big time!

To Kathryn, my angel of DVD lending: Thanks for letting me borrow and watch your Babylon 5 episodes. I now know who G’Kar and Londo Mollari are now—and have enjoyed every minute of watching their story play out on the small screen. It’s always great to have a fellow sci-fi geek to chat about our favorite shows and movies with. You’re the best!

To Jenny and Mike, my angels of cell phones and socialization: Thanks for helping me keep connected with the world through your phone plan and through your social opportunities (and good eats). I’ve met some very interesting people at your parties… Call it “geek networking” but it’s always great to know you’re not alone in your interest in things of a science fiction nature. One of these days I’m going to see your names in print (Jenny) and on the silver screen (Mike—special effects guru) and say, “I knew them when!”

To Rob and Rona, my angels of computer repair and Thursday “Happy Hours”: Thanks for your technical expertise and patience when my old PC did the inevitable meltdown. And thanks for all the great get-togethers you’ve hosted at your place. Happy hour is truly a happy time on your patio!

To Zo and Mark, my angels of fun on the river: I enjoyed becoming a "lieutenant commander" on your float trip. May the good ship sail forever!

To Gwen and Ryu, my angels of artistic geekdom and great turkey and stuffing: Thanks for inviting me to your home last year for Thanksgiving dinner and for letting me jabber your ears off about things of a movie nature. Thanks for tips on looking for jobs in the area, too. I can’t wait to see your names someday on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!

To Linda, Sue, Sue, Barb and all my fellow writers at MoRWA and online: Thanks for the inspiration!

To Donna, my angel of tax preparation: Wow—I could have never figured it all out without you. You literally saved my bacon and saved me bacon, so I didn’t starve later. See you next April!

To Mom, my eternal angel and cheerleader: Enough said!

To Adrian, my angel of all time: Thanks for always being there for me. You’ve dried my tears and listened to my rants and ravings and still didn’t desert me. You put my feelings first and sacrificed so much to keep me on an even keel. You’re my bestest friend ever. I hope to be your bestest friend forever in an official sense one day soon, too. Love ya, my handsome man!

Do you have any “angels” you’d like to honor with a shout out this year? Leave their names and their stories in the comment section below. Everyone who leaves a comment this month will have their name thrown into the hat for an e-book prize drawing.

Merry Christmas to one and all, and especially to my dear angels.

P.S. Speaking of giving out awards, I received one myself recently—my writers’ guide THE CURSE OF THE MANUSCRIPT EATING SLUSHPILE MONSTER has been nominated for an EPPIE Award! The finalists will be announced in March. Read more about my funny, “how NOT to” book at Uncial Press: http://www.uncialpress.com/books/curseoft/curseoft.html and at my web site: http://www.cynthianna.com/slushpile.html

Vote Positive!

2008-11-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

I’ve rapidly grown tired of this presidential campaign season. My weariness of all things political includes local, state and regional campaigns as well. No matter what the major political party is nowadays, they all seem to have one thing in common: They universally resort to slinging mud at their opponents rather than show how they’d go about to positively change the outcome of our current situation. In other words, negativity is the big thing in campaign 2008.

If you don’t think I know what I’m talking about, you could be right. I’m not a pundit or a Ph.D. in poly-sci. But I’ve been conducting my own non-scientific survey since the first political flyer landed in my overcrowded mailbox a month or two back. I’ve kept them all, and I’ve carefully gone through them, dividing them into “positive” and “negative” advertisements. Guess which side enjoyed a landslide victory?

Yes, I know I’m weird. I like to write—enough said. But if even a non-politically astute person such as myself can discern from the mountain of political ads that things have taken a decidedly negative tone in 2008 (even compared to the negativity of past years), then something is amiss. It seems no one has a positive outlook on life, our country or our form of government in general. Every candidate only sees the black clouds, never the silver linings.

Other than throwing open a window and yelling, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!” (that famous quote from the movie Network), I think the only thing I can do is to “vote positive”. I will vote only for candidates and issues that present their platform in a positive manner. If this means I’ll have to skip voting for a few offices, then so be it.

A blank ballot is a statement in and of itself, isn’t it?

Love, Fun and Fantasy in Loving Who!

2008-09-28T18:08:00.000-07:00

Although this fantasy novel isn't quite as spicy as my erotic-romance Celine titles, there's plenty of "action" in this fun "fiction about fans" available now from Mojocastle Press.

LOVING WHO
by Cynthianna
ISBN: 1-60180-075-4
http://www.mojocastle.com/celine/lovingwho.html

The man...the magic...the movie? Screwball romantic-comedy meets the world of Doctor Who fandom. Cici Connor's life will never be the same when she takes John Smith, a mysterious Brit, into her bed and her life begins to change... possibly for the better. After all, how many alien assassins tracking her does one girl need?

Available now in e-formats... and hopefully soon in trade paperback edition. Thing is, the more e-copies it sells off the blocks, the faster the print version is released by my publisher, so don't wait! Buy yours today.

(Feel free to pass this book release announcement on to other Doctor Who fans. Thanks!)

Celine Chatillon writing as Cynthianna
http://www.cynthianna.com
Boldly going where no one genre has gone before!

A Five Heart Review of BEAUTIFUL DREAMER!

2008-08-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

Wow--what a thrill to read this great review of BEAUTIFUL DREAMER
from The Romance Studio:

"Ms. Celine Chatillon obviously knows her small towns. There were
many characters in this delightful story which did not confuse the
issues. It made the tale so fun. Fast-paced fun was shared by the
townsfolk who all knew (small-town like) exactly where Cody spent
his nights, when Joleen returned to town, and other matters which
made this book unique. The storyline flowed effortlessly and I
enjoyed the true-to-life main couple. The secondary couple, which
was rather unexpected, made a great sideline.

The rodeo was in town. Those who are familiar with small towns
realize how huge that would be. This storyline was funny, emotional
and surprising. The action never waned. From the library scenes to
the rodeo, from the Japanese TV producers to the bull riders—all
were part of a great manuscript.

I loved the story and the characters. I was surprised, and
delighted, with the marvelous ending to the book. I highly recommend
it to all. The sensual scenes were sexy but not offensive. The book
was great."

Overall rating: five hearts
Sensuality rating: Explicit
Reviewer: Brenda Talley
http://theromancestudio.com/reviews/reviews/beautifuldreamerchatillon
.htm

Thanks, Brenda! Even I want to buy this book now. ;)

Beautiful Dreamer
Format: PDF, MS Lit, HTML, Rocket (rb), Mobipocket
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/beautifuldreamer.htm
Excerpt:http://www.celinechatillon.com/dreamer.html

The Loves of Her Life now available!

2008-07-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

My erotic-fantasy novella, THE LOVES OF HER LIFE has just been released from eXtasy Books. My heroine, Estrella, has the second sight and the ability to use "sexual magic". Will she use her abilities wisely? That's for you to decide!

Here's a brief excerpt to pique your interest:

The Loves of Her Life: Two of Wands
by Celine Chatillon

The latest from the Tarot Card Series at eXtasy Books.

Spoiled and pampered Princess Estrella knows she must marry Prince Norbet for the good of her people. But she loves Lord Aiden, her childhood sweetheart, a soldier who must fight the dragon that threatens both their kingdoms. With her second sight she can see into the future and knows what is best for all… But even with this
awful knowledge, how can Estrella choose between the loves of her life?

Scene Set-up: Things steam up when Estrella and Aiden act out the story of the beginning of the world during the Summer Solstice celebrations...

"Give us the rest of the story!" cried the spectators. "Honor the Summer Solstice! Honor the goddess!"

"Well, if you put it that way…"

Estrella wrapped her hands tighter about her lover's neck and pulled his lips toward hers, kissing him passionately. Their tongues met and the electricity of attraction surged through both. Instantly, Aiden crushed her curves against his. He rhythmically rubbed the bulge beneath his loincloth against her belly. She moaned and
reached down to stroke his erect flesh in time with the music, which had taken a serious turn into a steady, sultry, throbbing beat. He slid a hand under her short, filmy skirt and stroked the growing dampness between her thighs.

He chuckled. "You're as wet as the legendary flood of the Dragon's lair. Obviously, all these eyes focused on your luscious body is a turn on."

She smiled against his lips. "And I can tell you're as hard and straight as the legendary granite obelisk that marks the end of the world."

"Atillo then entered Adala and the whole world blossomed!" exclaimed a self-appointed narrator, a thin, bookish-type who seem to relish the telling of tales. "Soon, all the world was filled with the beautiful evidence of their love."

"Hmm, are you ready for me to fill you with the evidence of my love, my dear?" Aiden whispered in her ear. "I'm about to burst as it is."

"As am I. But wasn't there another person in the legend that brought the two together? The oak tree, Amillo?"

"You're right." Aiden tweaked a pointed nipple through the thin material of her shift, causing Estrella to moan.

A shadow crossed their path.

"And Amillo came and cradled the lovers in his branches to better assist their joining," their narrator said in hushed tones.

Estrella and Aiden hesitated then slowly turned to see their oak cradle.

The well-dressed stranger!

"I thought I'd volunteer my services in the part of Amillo. I am an amateur scholar of these old myths and legends. The chance to help act out one with such a handsome couple was… irresistible."

THE LOVES OF HER LIFE
http://www.celinechatillon.com/loves.html

Buy it at eXtasy Books: http://www.extasybooks.com

And more good news--I've received a nice review of my hot romantic-comedy BEAUTIFUL DREAMER:

"Beautiful Dreamer by Celine Chatillon is a very nice read. Who is the Knight in Shining Armor; the cowboy, the Sheriff, or the Deputy? What is in that sleeping potion? In a hysterically funny, well-written novel we find all the answers and ask more questions!" --Nancy Erikson for Paranormal Romance. Org Reviews

Thanks Nancy. The infamous Mrs. Giggles gave BEAUTIFUL DREAMER a review, too, but I'm too scared to check it out. If you see it, tell me if it's worth a review blurb or not.

Keep cool--and remember to read hot!

The Dream Begins again... Beautiful Dreamer now available

2008-06-30T15:53:00.000-07:00

For all those interested in a fun summer read, my latest release from Liquid Silver Books...

Beautiful Dreamer
contemporary/fantasy erotic-romance
ISBN 978-1-59578-431-5
Format: PDF, MS Lit, HTML, Rocket (rb), Mobipocket
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/beautifuldreamer.htm

Can a sexy, sleepwalking librarian corral a commitment-shy sheriff during the mayhem of rodeo week? When Marianne the Librarian sleepwalks into the brawny arms of handsome Sheriff Cody Greene sparks fly and an erotic night of pleasure ensues.

A confirmed bachelor, Cody realizes Marianne isn't really the "love 'em and leave 'em" type of woman he's used to entertaining in bed, and he's worried. But by the end of the week--and after surviving a series of livestock-related calls and some "sleepless" nights--Cody is able to conquer both his fear of stampeding cattle
and his fear of commitment.

Available now at Liquid Silver Books:
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/beautifuldreamer.htm

Excerpt online: http://www.celinechatillon.com/dreamer.html

My erotic fantasy novella The Loves of Her Life (Two of Wands Tarot Card story) is a July 15th release from eXtasy Books. Stay tuned for details. I'll be chatting at the Romance Junkies Chatroom on July 17th at 9 PM Eastern about it as well as a multitude of non-related (but entertaining) topics. Join me there.

If you've always wanted to check out an ebook, now's the time. Be green--read on your screen. Save trees--save gas. Buy online and don't stand in line. The ebook revolution began a few years back, and contrary to popular belief, neither Sony nor Amazon started it. ;)

Who can resist a guy in a kilt?

2008-06-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

There's just something inherently sexy about kilted men. I thought I'd post some photos I took recently at the Scottish Tartan Days in St. Charles, Missouri.

My first photo features a cute young re-enactor who is not wearing a kilt. Well, there’s something about a man in uniform—even if it’s not featuring a kilt—that makes him very sexy. This nice young guy works as an exterminator believe it or not when he isn’t doing French and Indian War re-enacting. Talk about macho! And I love the hat, don’t you? (He could poke me with his bayonet, too.)

This next photo features a group of bagpipers. There’s nothing more stirring to a Scot’s blood than bagpipes. I know, some women like violins and saxophones but think of all the lung power it takes to blow on a bagpipe while marching… Hmm, more lung power, more kissing power? I think I’ve figured out the kilt attraction right there!

Well, we had noble Scots soldiers at Tartan Days—so why not a few ignoble Scots pirates?

If you like men in uniform (not necessarily a kilt) you'll want to check out my upcoming Liquid Silver Book release, Beautiful Dreamer. ;)

A 45 single?

2008-04-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

If you can remember what a “single” or a “45 RPM” record is, then you’ll understand why I have the question mark at the end of my blog title. Women who have reached the ripe ol' age of 45 (which I am now officially) are not usually “singles”. They are “LPs” or long-playing albums with a multitude of tunes.

Gen Y types will need an explanation here—it’s not one of those “abnormally large CDs” you’ve found in the back of your parents’ winter clothes closet while looking for “retro” duds. LPs were actually the way we bought and played the songs of our favorite rock groups way back when in the Baby-boomer era. (Yes, rock and roll music existed even then. Scary to think, isn’t it?)

Getting back on topic, I’ve reached this milestone in my life as an (almost) single person at the midst of the “middle ages” of my life. (The middle ages are not to be confused with Medieval Times—great restaurant and tourist spot that it is.) Who’d have thunk?

Do I feel different? No, not really. Even as a “single” and not part of an “album” I’m pretty much the same person as before. I’m just as opinionated and just as unemployable. I still enjoy writing and reading romantic fiction. I still watch Doctor Who and have seen every original episode of classic Star Trek several million times each. Yes, I qualify as a raving lunatic and a certified weirdo.

So, if you can’t handle a weird 45 single then I only have one thing to say to you: Get over it.

Having reached this advanced stage of life, I feel pretty much at ease at saying whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it and to whomever it needs to be said.

To young women who want to bring a baby into the world without benefit of clergy and a spouse: I say—don’t. The stats show that your child will more than likely live a life of poverty and will suffer from depression and higher rates of suicide than children from two parent homes.

To those who think they can “safely use recreational drugs”: I say—you’re fooling yourself. There is no such thing as a “safe dose” of any drug, let alone a street drug. If you feel that suicidal to risk your health by doing drugs, then call a suicide helpline right now and not the pusher.

To anyone who thinks they don’t need to finish school to get ahead in life: Uh-uh. This world is only getting more and more technical and computer-interrelated… You’ve got to be able to understand and use the new technologies. Don’t make it harder on yourself. Even McDonald’s won’t hire a high school dropout these days.

To anyone who wants to argue with me: Please do. That’s what the comment box below is for…and what writers live for—feedback from their readers. So, tell this “45 single” where she can get off as a broken ol’ record or if she’s right on the money.

Or simply send her some birthday cash. She could use it!

THE TOP TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT CHARTER HIGH-SPEED INTERNET SERVICE

2008-03-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

The Top Ten Things I hate about Charter High-Speed Internet Service:

10.) Having to keep a diary of all the times I’ve had to call Charter Customer Service and be put on hold in the last two and half weeks. For example:

February 29—first call made for service outage.
March 2—two technicians replace cable line from building to the box on the street edge and leave it lying exposed on the grass. Next day we get 8 inches of snow.
March 5—another technician comes to fix outage and says its my modem which is a problem—I replace it with new one.
March 13—two technicians come back to “bury” the exposed cable in the grass—internet goes off for good and they disappear without a word to either me or my neighbor whose digital cable TV has vanished as well. I call and speak to “Irene” at customer service that evening and stay on phone for approximately 45 minutes. She promises things will be taken care of within 24 hours. (It’s not.)
March 16 –tech call that afternoon, the internet goes off and stays off within two minutes after technician leaves after adjusting my modem/the cable box on building.
March 17 – on in the morning, Internet goes off at approx. 1:30 pm and comes back on three separate times by unplugging/re-plugging in the modem until goes off for good at 2:45 pm. Another call to customer service where “Victoria” promises me technicans will call me within the hour (this said at 3:15 pm). No calls received within the hour—or the day. Or even the next morning... Why am I not surprised?

9.) Having to push “0” over and over at every automated switchboard prompt until I get a real live human being. (Keypad on phone now worn thin.)

8.) Having to repeat my sob story over and over again to these helpless Charter customer service reps who do not live in my city, state—or possibly country.

7.) Having to pay for Charter High-Speed Internet Service in the first place because AT&T hasn’t set up the lines so we can get DSL Internet service in this neck of the woods.

6.) Having to pay my cell phone company for the minutes that I went over my plan this month because I was put on hold so many times calling Charter High-Speed Internet Customer Service.

5.) Being promised a rebate on an $89.99 modem I got in August when I signed on with Charter High-Speed Internet —the modem that at least one technician told me was “broken” and I needed to rent one from Charter at an additional fee per month. The modem rebate (promised within 6 to 8 weeks) has yet to arrive. All emails sent to the email address for questions about rebate not answered, either. Charter Customer Service reps say they “know nothing about the rebate program” yet Charter’s icon is plastered on the web site and they provide the modem. If they contracted this incentive program from an outside source, they are responsible for it ultimately—right? Why else would you advertise it and put your company logo on it?

4.) Not being able to send doc files to my telecommuting positions as expected—missing out on potential income and creating ill-will with potential customers because I’m not able to respond to their email requests in a timely manner.

3.) Missing out on promotional activities online because I cannot get online and stay online. Not being able to update my web sites in a timely fashion. All lead to lost sales and advertising opportunities for my books.

2.) Having to buy gasoline at over $3.09 a gallon to drive to other places to use public Internet—and then finding they have a “nanny blocker” on some of these public WiFI access points so I can’t even access my own publisher’s web site!

And the number one reason why I hate Charter Communications High-Speed Internet Service…

1.) Those damn flashing green lights on the modem when it’s kicked me offline for the upteenth time in the last five minutes!

If you have a similar tale of woe (related to Internet service problems or not) please feel free to share it in the comment section. After I've calmed down somewhat, I might do a drawing for a little prize of one of my backlist books or something. Thanks for your understanding. I think I will take a Valium and go lie down now before I'm tempted to buy a shot gun...

UPDATE: I thought that the "pen was mightier than the monopolistic cable company" but I was wrong. Here's the continuing saga of wonky Internet connectivity:

March 19—Internet service works fine the day before, then goes off and on again all afternoon on the 19th but eventually stays on until my bedtime.
March 20—Internet service goes off within approx. 10 minutes of turning on computer.
Online 8:25 AM
Offline 8:36 AM
On again 9:37 AM
Off again 9:45 AM
On again 10:00 AM
Off again 10:15 AM
On again 10:26 AM
Off again 10:30 AM
Online again 11:04 AM
Off again 11:09 AM
On again 11:20 AM

I will continue to keep this blog updated until I have this problem addressed to my satisfaction, I find out where the president of Charter lives so I can throw a rock through his bedroom window, or I have hypertensive episode and wind up in the hospital intensive care. Your prayers and comments (below) are welcomed.

UPDATED UPDATE:

I thought all my problems had been solved after the latest tech call on March 22, but alas no. I've suffered "mini-outages" several days now. Nothing major, but obviously the problem hasn't been fixed permanently. I do now get more "personal attention" when I contact Charter... Perhaps all those red flags on my file saying, "Mad, whiny woman who threatens lawsuits--handle with care!" is helping?

When will this all end? Sigh!

April's Fools Update:

Things have been going fairly well this past week, although I did get a e-bill for TWICE the normal rate from Charter. (I promptly ignored it. They can send me a paper bill and then we'll discuss what I owe them.) And then I start noticing the "mini-outages" again and today--it wasn't a funny April Fool's joke to be kicked offline for fifteen minutes in mid-day.

You can be sure I'll let them know my sense of humor has been stretched a bit thin...

But your comments are still welcomed and appreciated.

Spring is sprung...

2008-03-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

Spring is sprung... Or at least it's attempting to get going here! ;)

Here's the latest I've been up to:

I'm finishing up my Tarot card novella THE LOVES OF HER LIFE for eXtasy Books. I hope to get it done before the end of March.

The ATLANTIS ALLURE anthology is to be released from eXtasy Books soon. Keep it tuned here for details. Stories range from my shapeshifter, seaside romance “Shifting Sands” to the fall of the city of Atlantis itself. It will be available in both print and e-formats.

My revamped release BEAUTIFUL DREAMER has the most romantic cover ever! Dreamy, huh? ;-) Keep it tuned here for updates on its release date.

That's it for now. I hope to get my act together this spring with a few releases and start to work on book three in the Paranormal Lovers of Saint Louis series, too.

Hitting the road--and giving you an update!

2008-01-30T18:53:00.000-08:00

I'm off on a belated Christmas vacation, so until I return, here's the latest on what all I've been up to:

I’ve always wondered how to get listed in the“Wikipedia”. Well, I’ve not figured how quite yet, but I’ve come close. Check out my two new pages at “Romance Wiki”:

http://www.romancewiki.com/Cynthianna_Appel
http://www.romancewiki.com/Celine_Chatillon
And tell me what all I’ve left out (or should add).

Thanks to everyone who voted for OF FLESH AND BLOOD in the best anthology category in the Love Romances Cafe's Best of 2007 Awards. Tina, Darragha and I didn’t win, but we do appreciate your support. And if you enjoy dark, vampire erotic-romance, check it out at: http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/offleshandblood.htm

I’ll be a featured author at Michelle Pillow's author blog, Pillow Talk Tuesdays, on February 19th. Look for my interview at http://www.michellepillow.com Thanks Michelle!

My editor for my short story “Shifting Sands” to be featured in the Atlantis Allue anthology had this to say about my hero, Phantom: “He keeps getting more and more interesting… I loved it! The characters, the possible appearance and behavior of an Atlantean, all of it.”

I do enjoy an enthusiastic editor. ATLANTIS ALLURE is slated to be released soon in both e-formats and print by eXtasy Books. If you enjoy paranormal/SF erotic stories set in the mythical Atlantis, this is the anthology for you.

BEAUTIFUL DREAMER rides again! It will be slightly revamped with some hotter love scenes to be re-released by Liquid Silver Books (under my Celine pen name). Editing will begin as soon as I get back from my vacation. So keep it tuned here.

And if I find time (and a willing computer) I'll try to send updates on what all I'm doing on my holiday.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do while I'm gone! (Hee, hee, hee...)
Celine

The secret to sexual compatibility?

2008-01-18T20:49:00.000-08:00

Here's an article that made me think twice. (Maybe more than twice!):

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22452653/

And it got me scratching my head... Just what is the secret to sexual compatibility?

We casually say things like “opposites attract” and “there’s security in familiarity”, but for every couple you meet that are complete opposites in personality that seem to have a good relationship you’ll find another couple that look like identical twins—they dress, think and breathe alike—and they seem perfectly happy together, too.

With so many contradictions in the world, how do we discover this sexual compatibility secret?

This one paragraph offers a glimmer of hope to solving this mystery:

At least one study has suggested that it’s not so much the other person’s personality as it is yours. Happy people tend to be happy in relationships. The lovers and spouses of people who are less negative in their outlook and behavior tend to be more satisfied, too.

It’s that simple. “Happy people tend to be happy in relationships.” Uh-huh. I can grasp that statement.

But really—that’s all it is? I mean, doesn’t physical attractiveness and sexual technique play a role in this complex equation? With all those “Viva Viagra!” commercials playing on television lately, you’d think that all it took to obtain sexual capability is for the guy to pop a pill or two and swing his partner around on the dance floor a few times.

But what if one person in the relationship refuses to be “happy” and enjoys acting out in a negative fashion? That would sabotage the entire relationship it apears. After all, it takes two to tango. Both dancers have to be dancing to the same tune.

So, what can you do if you’re the “not-so-happy person” in the relationship or the “happy person” and your partner acts the complete opposite? I haven’t a clue. But if you have any good advice on how to put both partners on the same level of happiness and insure sexual capability, I think everyone would appreciate your insights as well. So, leave your words of wisdom in the comment box below.

Here’s to “happily every after” in our stories—and our relationships.

Vote for our Anthology at Love Romances Cafe

2008-01-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

OF FLESH AND BLOOD has been nominated in the BEST ANTHOLOGY category in the LR Cafe's Best of 2007 Awards!

The polls open January 1st and close on the 20th. You must be a member of the Love Romances Cafe to vote. If you are and feel motivated to do so, please go to the poll section of the Yahoo group and vote for FLESH AND BLOOD:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/loveromancescafe

I and my fellow anthologists, Darragha Foster and Tina Holland, thank you in advance.

And get this: My rodeo week mayhem, contemporary romance BEAUTIFUL DREAMER will ride again! It will be slightly revamped with some hotter love scenes and be released as an erotic-romance from Liquid Silver Books. Details will be posted here as they come available. Yeah!

The winners of the "Are You Naughty or Nice?" Contest

2007-12-23T17:54:00.000-08:00

It was tough, but I narrowed it down to two winners and two runners up... Well, actually I had a tie on the Naughty side, so it's three winners overall.

The Winner of the "World's Nicest Reader Award" goes to Maithe. She wrote:

I am the world's nicest reader. I always buy my favorites authors' books...even though I have hundreds I still have to read. Yes, I have a little problem *they call it an addiction-I disagree*, but I always support the authors. *G* I am a prime source of financial support for them.

You gotta love that bit about supporting authors financially... At least, I do!

The runner-up for "World's Nicest Reader" is Jackie W. She wrote in part:

I think I am a nice reader because after reading a book I send the author a little note about how much I enjoyed the book...that is if I have an address for them. I am also a nice reader because I FINISH READING EVERY WORD IN THE BOOK... If I spend money on a book I'm reading it. That's being nice isn't it? Or maybe frugal. Did I mention I'm part Scottish?

It's nice to know that not a single word is ever wasted with Jackie. Thanks for your support!

And now... the dual winners of the "World's Naughtiest Reader" essay.

D.N.L. said:

…Because I have conversations with the naughtiest of fantasy men, and they answer me! We snuggle and canoodle, in the shower, in the bed, and even on the bus at night, when no one’s looking…and even sometimes when people ARE looking! I am definitely the world’s naughtiest reader.

OOoo--fantasy men on the bus at night! I'm sooo there, D.N. :)

And the second winner is Laura K. who wrote:

Santa, I've been such a bad little girl. I have been known to read books in my bedroom/bathtub with my favorite toys. I can't help that those hot steamy books get me in a frantic mood!! Jingle all my bells, Santa, and make me your naughtiest reader ever.

Love from your elf, Laura

Ho, ho, ho! I bet Santa can't wait to have his bells jingled, either!

Thanks to all who entered the contest. This was a lot of fun for me, because it's always fun to hear what readers think about books, writing and just life in general.

If my personal life settles down a bit more in the spring, I'll have another fun contest like this. Hmmm... But what to call it? If you come up with a title or theme, drop me a line or post a comment here.

Thanking you in advance. Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year to one and all!

Celine

Joyfully Reviewed loves Brandi Whyne!

2007-12-13T20:52:00.000-08:00

Check out the latest reviews of my Brandi Whyne and Her Incredibly Erotic Adventures series at Joyfully Reviewed. Mega-thanks to Barb for all her kind words. You can read them online at:

http://joyfullyreviewed.com/Publishers/eXtasyBooks.html

and here are a few good juicy bits:

Captured by Space Pirates! is a book that takes Spaceballs and mixes it with Men in Tights, then adds a hefty dose of the fashion sense of a Victoria Secret Catalogue. The reader starts smiling from the first sentence and is captivated by the wit and unorthodox, campy humor of Ms. Chatillon. Ms. Chatillon enthralls and holds onto the reader with twists and turns that keep the reader in a very happy state of mind.
--Barb

Lashed at the Mast! continues where Captured by Space Pirates leaves off. It is a diverse and zany story. Ms Chatillon persuades the reader that life and sex are as funny as one thinks they are when one is younger. She develops characters introduced in the first book, as well as adding new characters that make the reader sit up and laugh. Ms. Chatillon’s sense of humor is vivid and complex and a joy to behold.

Intense and amusing writing makes Bound for Adventure a romp that continues to give the reader’s mind a workout as to new uses for everyday items in people’s lives. An enjoyable frisky frolic from Ms. Chatillon.

Entertaining and full of jollity, Little John’s Big Problem is a yarn that the reader relishes from beginning to end. Once again Ms. Chatillon draws the reader in and makes them pay attention. The start of each episode of her Brandi Whyne series grabs the reader and by the end, the reader is totally entranced. Another wonderful tale of Brandi Whyne.

Kinky and a bit perverse (in the good way), The Search for Brandi’s Crack is a story a reader enjoys from beginning to end. Drawing on the colourful characters from the previous chapters, Ms. Chatillon gives the reader what they want. A well-written tale that makes the reader laugh out loud and care for her characters. I anxiously await Chapter Six in Brandi’s adventures.

The Second Annual "Are You Naughty or Nice?" Contest

2007-12-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!

Have you been "naughty" or "nice" this year? Well, if you've been both...

Announcing: The Second Annual “Are You Naughty or Nice?” Contest!

To enter my contest: Email me your 50 words or less essay entitled either “I am the World’s Naughtiest Reader” or “I am the World’s Nicest Reader”. You may enter both or either contest, but be sure to email them separately with the subject line marked either NAUGHTY or NICE. Email your entry/entries to cynthianna.celine@gmail.com The deadline to submit your essay is midnight CT, December 21, with winners to be announced by December 23.

Remember, each essay must be 50 words or less. And you must convince me why you can lay claim to the title of the World’s Naughtiest Reader or the World’s Nicest Reader. Be imaginative! I’ll post the winners’ and runner-ups’ essays on my web site/blogs so everyone can see how naughty or nice you are! (With your permission, of course.)

The prize package(s) will include an assortment of Celine’s “naughty e-books” for the World’s Naughtiest Reader and an assortment of my "nice persona" Cynthianna’s “nice e-books” for the World’s Nicest Reader. Runners up might also win a little something. Other prizes included will be announced as soon as I get back from my Christmas shopping! (Prizes will be listed and updated on my contest page: http://www.cynthianna.com/contest.html )

Enter today—remember the deadline is December 21. And best of luck!

And if you’re in the mood for some light and sexy holiday-themed erotic-romance, look no further than either one (or both) of my stories:

YES, VIRGINIA… HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS
http://tinyurl.com/2g74pw

SANTA’S BIG LITTLE HELPER http://www.mojocastle.com/santasbig/helper.html

And for a “PG” rated Christmas romantic adventure, read Cynthianna's THE STOCKING:
http://www.authorlink.com/storylink/story/12

Finally, here's a link I know you'll enjoy: http://www.elfyourself.com/

All my best to you and yours this holiday season...

Celine

P.S. If you have any children on your Christmas list, why not try my full-color illustrated book THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT, available in print as well as e-formats from Guardian Angel Publishing:
http://www.guardianangelpublishing.com/best-xmas-gift.htm

Great reviews for OF FLESH AND BLOOD

2007-11-07T12:16:00.000-08:00

My cohorts Tina Holland and Darragha Foster and I garnered an excellent review for our vampire erotic-romance anthology OF FLESH AND BLOOD from the notoriously harsh reviewer “Mrs. Giggles". (Yes, that's her name.) Here’s a bit of what Mrs. G had to say about it:

“OF FLESH AND BLOOD is an anthology of three stories featuring
vampires. This is an interesting read indeed.

(About my novella “Blood Betrayal”) Vlad and Leo Van Helsing find
themselves waging a war with each other with poor Sofia Martinelli being caught in the middle as a pawn. Both men were really sadistic
and twisted in their own right so this one is a deliciously disturbing story that appeals greatly to my enjoyment of ghoulish and macabre elements.

OF FLESH AND BLOOD is an anthology that is far more enjoyably creepy than it is romantic. Still, it is a most interesting read that I suspect will go down well with readers who like erotic horror. All three stories are certainly memorable in their own right. All in all, I believe I am pretty pleased with this one.”

Wow—we got a rating of 84 points, too. (This from a reviewer who gave one NY Times best-selling author a “4” out of 100 on one of her books!)And she called my story "deliciously disturbing". Cool!

Be sure to check out OF FLESH AND BLOOD at Liquid Silver Books:
http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/offleshandblood.htm

Of Flesh and Blood has arrived....

2007-10-09T07:15:00.001-07:00

It's here at last--OF FLESH AND BLOOD has arrived!

http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/offleshandblood.htm

Be the first on your e-block to get this hot vampire anthology e-book. Sink your teeth into it and enjoy. Excerpt and synopses online at http://www.celinechatillon.com/ofab.html

And while I've got your attention, be sure to drop by this week and chat with me at Sexy Delights, as I'm the featured author. It's a friendly loop and I'll be posting excerpts (and whatever else I can think of) so be sure to stop in and say hello. Sexy Delights: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sexydelights/

And yes, some lucky person might when a book download. So be there or be without. ;)

If you're in the "voting mood" this month, please vote for the lovely artwork on OF FLESH AND BLOOD at the New Covey Awards: http://thenewcoveyawards.blogspot.com

Thanking you in advance... But our cover does kick butt, does it not?

And a very big special thank you to all who voted in the Mojocastle Press contest to nominate my book, HEAVENLY BODIES, to be entered into the EPPIES--it won! It hasn't won an EPPIE yet, but at least my publisher felt that with this much support it would be worth sponsoring my entry into the contest. Thank you all once again for your support. (And if you're an EPPIE judge--please be kind and give it a nice score.)

Here's wishing you a good October... It's warm like July here in the Midwest, but we're still getting into the Halloween spirit. The heavy woolen costumes are out this year, though. Lightweight is in!

Talk like a Space Pirate with Brandi Whyne!

2007-09-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

Check it out--the adventurous and erotically-bent Brandi Whyne now has her very own blog...

http://brandi-whyne.blogspot.com

And you can leave comments and questions there for her, too. She's dying to hear what the readers think of her "kiss-and-tell-and-lots-of-other-kinky-things" memoirs. ;)

So, make a fictional character happy and celebrate "Talk like a SPACE Pirate Day" with Brandi!

Celine (Brandi's "assistant")

Coming soon--Of Flesh and Blood

2007-08-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

Coming soon from Liquid Silver Books... OF FLESH AND BLOOD

Get ready for love, lust, and blood in this vampire erotic-romance anthology by a trio of Liquid Silver Books authors. Stories include Darragha Foster's "Polishing Saber", Tina Holland's "Deal with the Dead" and my story "Blood Betrayal" (a prequel to Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door).

In Blood Betrayal, Vlad, Leo, and Sofia form a love triangle with a bite and the spilling of blood...

Stay tuned here for details. Better yet--join either or both of my yahoogroups to get up-to-minute release information:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/celinesdreams (Adults only)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cindyappel (General newsletter--contest info, Q & A and other fun bits)

Moving out, moving up, moving on

2007-08-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure what to write about for this blog so I guess I will simply tell you why I haven’t been doing much creative writing lately.

I’ve moved—myself and all my junk (and there’s plenty of it) about two miles southeast of my previous location. No, this really wasn’t my idea, but my lawyer seem to think it’s best I move out of the house since my soon-to-be-ex-spouse seems so attached to it that he’s pretty much trashed the place. By moving out and moving on with my life, it gives him one less thing to be nasty about come the final decree. But moving like this—with only a few weeks notice and all by myself essentially up until the day of the move—definitely was nothing I had foreseen several months ago.

The day that I moved the “big items”, i.e., the furniture, was sort of festive. I had several good friends come with their pick up trucks to come and pick up the big pieces and take them over to my new apartment… which happens to be on the second floor.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, it was a sweltering, hot sweaty day in late July. (Luckily, I moved before the real heat wave began—the high probably was only near 90 that day instead of the 106 degrees Fahrenheit they forecasted for today.) So, the added stress and heat of “moving up” certainly added to the stress I was already feeling. But, bless their hearts, they got everything up the twisty-turny staircase and into my new flat. I had been holding my breath that the dining table with the big pedestal base would make it up those steps and through the narrow front door, and, believe it or not, it did. It looks great in the kitchen area, too.

The only real furniture mishap was my computer desk—the cabinet that housed my printer and junk sort of went “whoosh” and toppled over into pieces like a house of cards falling over upon its removal from my previous abode. It hadn’t been put together very well obviously the first time, so it couldn’t take the front step without collapsing. Sigh! It sits in pieces around the living area of my new place. I’m looking for a handyman—or handywoman—to help me glue it back together. I think the screws are all stripped and some of the lovely particleboard panels have cracked, so it needs major surgery.

Other wonderful post-moving hassles have included the exploding washer drain hose from hell (I’m currently waiting for a return phone call from Home Depot—sigh!) and learning to cope with living two and half stories up with a very narrow balcony to put my outdoor plants on… I finally got wise and decided to put my “rubber tree” (I have no idea what to call this plant my dad gave me about twelve years ago) down in the side patio area of the apartment building. The only problem it now has is that the wind tends to topple it over and I don’t see it’s fallen unless I peek out from behind my blinds (drawn to prevent the killer sun from further baking my apartment). Such is life in apartment city, as I call my new neighborhood.

I’ve had to deal with a lot of other issues, too, like looking for full-time work with health benefits (no luck there yet) and dealing with my daughters who don’t seem to want to talk to me anymore. So, this isn’t an excuse for not writing—it’s more of an explanation why my heart isn’t into as much at this point in history.

The high point of all this moving hell is my friends and family members who have been very supportive of me. I love them all.

Well, let’s end this blog on a high note and ask a discussion question you can comment upon and share your life wisdom with me. The discussion question: Tell me about a time when you were faced with a “move” in life that may have happened unexpectedly… How did you cope with your rapidly changing existence? What support groups or persons helped you out the most and why?

Thanking you in advance... Celine

Tell me what to write--please!

2007-06-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

A question for all those readers out there--what should I write next?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads here. Celine's latest release isn't selling as well as the book before... And is it because it's a "Molten" erotic-romance (lots of sex and kinky stuff) or because people like vampire stories better than time travel stories?

I have an idea for the third book in the "Paranormal Lovers of St. Louis" series, but if people only want me to write vampire stories, then so be it.

So, this is your place to let me know what you'd like to read next. Do I finish this novel for the paranormal series with a hot and sexy invisible man as the hero (and plenty of menage opportunities!) or do I go a different direction?

(BTW, my vampire novella "Blood Betrayal" will be released in September approximately. Stay tuned for more details. It features Leo the psychopathic villian from Help! I'm Fallng for the Vampire Next Door, too.)

Okay, don't be shy--tell me what to write next or tell me why my super sexy erotic-romance time travel story Hanging with a Time Surfer isn't selling like I think it should. (You can read excerpts from all my books at my web site at the link below in order to make an informed opinion.) Thanks for your input and insights.

Celine

http://www.celinechatillon.com

Romantic Times saves the Day!

2007-06-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Newsflash: Romantic Times Magazine has helped me get reimbursement from Katy Budget Books for the books I sold at the RT book fair in Houston.

Yeah!!!

Thanks to all of you who emailed Katy Books and RT on my behalf. Your pleas did make a difference! And I'm told that RT will work hard next year to make the consignment book sales better than this year's...

So, thanks to you all authors will be able to sell books with confidence at next year's book fair.

I'm sure glad this romance author finally experienced a "happy ending"!

Please Write to Romantic Times and Katy Books on my behalf...

2007-06-03T11:57:00.001-07:00

If you bought a copy of my book Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door at the Romantic Times bookfair in Houston, please email/write/call the bookseller and RT magazine and tell them that you did so!

Here's the gist of my dilemma:

Here's the response I finally got from the RT Bookseller on why I hadn't received a check from them:

Ms. Appel: I have received your inquiry on payment for your consignment books. Our records indicate that you left without checking out; thus, we donot have an agreed number of books sold. I, personally, checked for authorswho I had been advised were not at the table when the volunteer went tocheck them out and found your area empty and all books were gone. We assumed that you had left and taken your books with you. All authors were to allow us to count their remainders before leaving

We have no proof of any books sold for you and are unable to remit payment on an unagreedquantity; therefore, we will be unable to remit payment.The introductory letter submitted to you prior to your sending us your orderstated:"At the end of the Fair we will count the unsold books and calculate theamount due to you for the books sold. If you can not be there on Saturday for the checkout process, Katy Budget Books' count will be the final count."

We are sorry you misunderstood the agreement.

Jan Crow

Katy Budget Books Events Coordinator

Store: 281-578-7770

Okay there are SEVERAL things wrong with this message--the biggest thing is that I was told by one of their representatives (wearing a Katy Books Badge) that I was "checked out and free to go now".

So, if their rep told me that I was checked out from the bookfair--then why didn't this person report my sales to her boss? Or is the boss telling me this story above so she gets out of paying authors?

I'm so mad I'm crying! I don't have the resources to be out $168 for 14 copies of my book that I sold. This is just very cruel and unusual punishment for someone who thought she had "done good" at the RT bookfair.

Thanks for any help you can give me in solving this very disheartening dilemma. (Feel free to pass this info. along to any other interested parties.)

The email for Katy Books: jcrow4@houston.rr.com

For Romantic Times Magazine: kfalk@romantictimes.com

Celine

Vote for our choice of Cover Art!!

2007-05-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

http://darraghafoster.blogspot.com/2007/05/cover-art-process.html

Head on over to Darragha Foster's "Chameleons on Plaid Cloth" blog and leave a comment--or leave one here if you can't sign in there--and tell us what you think of our cover art choices for our vampire anthology Of Flesh and Blood.

Thanks! We look forward to hearing from YOU, the reader. :)

And here's a quick synopsis of my anthology story, Blood Betrayal, a "prequel" to my novel Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door to whet your appetite:

How did Val's uncle Vlad meet up the first time with psychic psychopathic vampire hunter Leo Van Helsing? Well, in "Blood Betrayal" you discover that it involves a woman (of course) a beautiful yet deceitful woman named Sofia Martinelli. Vlad is hopelessly in love with the gorgeous Sofia, but she isn't all that she appears to be. When Leo makes his move to capture Vlad, in order to learn the secrets of immortality of the Vampire Kindred race, Sofia must be sacrificed... Only Vlad can "save her" through transforming her into a creature like himself. But will the process itself drive the beautiful Sofia mad? And how will the sadistic Leo react when his plans seem to have been foiled by the pawn he planted in Vlad's arms...

(Warning: This story contains some rather disturbing and graphic sexual situations, as well as some violent sexual situations. Adults only please.)

So, give us your opinion on cover art! How many chances do you get to tell a publisher what you'd like to see on a cover?

Everything You Wanted to Know About My Latest Release (But Were Afraid to Ask)

2007-05-26T16:44:00.000-07:00

Allrighty… About the new release from Liquid Silver Books Hanging with a Time Surfer… Where do I begin?

Do you want to know where I came up with the title for the story? Okay, we can start there. The title began out of nowhere actually. I had said something to someone at LSB that my first release with them, Help! I’m Falling for the Vampire Next Door, would be followed up by a sequel with an even longer title! (Such a little devil, I am, aren’t I?) Well, our web guy Mike warned me that “Vamp Next Door” had already broken the web site with its mile long title, so I decided the next book title would be a tad shorter. I had my hero in mind already (a time traveler). I wanted to come up with a title just as funny as the first book’s in the “series”--another thing I came up with on the spur of the moment. Boy, am I ever growing “spontaneous” in my old age! —so I came up with “Hey, I’m Hanging with a Time Surfer”. I was told it was a few characters too long. Oh, dear. So it eventually evolved into the form you see today on its terrific cover.

(I have been blessed with two terrific covers here at Liquid Silver Books. Many, many thanks to cover artist Lynn Perkins and to April Martinez, art director. You ladies rock big time in my humble opinion.)

Let’s see, what’s next… I came up with the title and the hero and now I told everyone this was a “series”. Great. Why do I put myself into these pickles? I had to have a heroine… and the only woman I could think of to take out of “Vamp Next Door” was Melynda’s cousin, Shelby. Oh, dear—I had made Shelby a married woman! That wasn’t going to work out in a new romance with a time traveler… I had to get rid of her hubby. It actually wasn’t too hard, as Shelby had only mentioned Graham in passing in the first book, and Mel had intimated that he was somewhat of an obsessive-compulsive business type who couldn’t stand anyone who left the toothpaste cap off! So, Graham runs off with a cocktail waitress, leaving Shelby man-less and a bit unsure of her own sexuality at the story’s opening. Who could ever love her since she’s been dumped? Poor, poor Shelby!

I couldn’t let this poor chick (well, Shelby’s not poor actually—she’s practically a millionaire) sit around and mope in Saint Louis about her two-timing husband. This is the perfect opening for Quentin Takahashi, our intrepid “Time Surfer” from the 42nd century to make an appearance in her life. Quentin sweeps Shelby off her feet and takes her on a time-traveling, sexual odyssey that pulls Shelby out of her funk and makes her focus on what’s truly important in life. (Hint: It’s not selling lots of real estate like she thought it was; that’s for sure!)

Where all do they travel in time and space? I decided to take Shelby and Quentin to a couple of fun periods in Saint Louis history—to “medieval times” and the lost city of Cahokia and to the tense period during the Civil War when the Union held the city (although a majority of the residents were Confederate sympathizers). After that, I thought they could sore off to another planet in the future—as I had to figure out how I was going to introduce my next paranormal hero for third book in the “series”. (Oh, this spontaneous urge really was putting me through my paces!) And who is this next hero? The answer to that secret will have to wait until you’ve read the book!

The next question coming out of most people’s lips at this point is, “Where did you come up with all those ideas for the wild sex scenes? Like how many orgies and group sex get-together have you attended personally? Do you like to be spanked? Have you ever had sex with a reptilian alien yourself?”

(*Blushing*) Um… I will only say in my defense that I have an overactive imagination and figured that Shelby really needed to expand her horizons a bit. Quentin, coming from another time period and culture, sees no problem in allowing Shelby to experiment with various sexual techniques and partners. It is his acceptance and love that allows her to have these experiences and to learn and grow from them. Quentin is the ultimate hero—no hang-ups, no jealousy (all right, just a little) and he always has Shelby’s best interests at heart.

What else would you like to know about Hanging with a Time Surfer other than it’s a Molten release (for all those naughty, kinky sex scenes)? Where to buy it? Ah ha! I knew I forgot something... So here's the purchase link:

http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/hangingwithatimesurfer.htm

Enjoy! And tell me what you think.

A terrific review from a fellow author!

2007-05-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

You don't always receive much feedback from your writing, but when you do, you really cherish every word of it!

Here's a very nice unsolicited review of Help! I'm Falling for the Vampire Next Door from erotica author Raquel Taylor:

Melynda Kerpanik is lovely, strong and capable. She is not the kind of woman that breaks a heel and falls down so the bad guy can catch her. These qualities of strength are what endeared me to her from the moment that I met her on page one. She is also extremely funny in a way that made me laugh. I liked her. I enjoyed her company and I immediately missed her when the book was done.

Valentine Drakul is plain and simply HOTT in that dark and moody vampire type way. But there is something light, airy, naturally sexy and fun about Valentine that pulled him into a different realm for me. Torn between what he is and what he longs to be (human), Valentine is the perfect mixture of man and night creature. Valentine would be oh so sexy whether he was human or a vampire. Combined, and slightly tortured, he’s irresistible.

And then there’s Leo Van Helsing—who appealed to me even though I knew I should be running away from him at light speed. There is just something about a gorgeous guy who can get all up in your head…

Help! I’m falling For The Vampire Next Door is filled with likeable characters and hot, sensual romance between two people that I found myself really rooting for. Ms. Celine Chattillon did a marvelous job of drawing me into Val and Mel’s world. The side characters are just as interesting in their own ways as the main characters.

Maybe I’m just bad…but the bad guy in this tale did interesting things to my mind. I’d be sensible enough to run from him, but I may have snapped that heel and took a tumble on purpose so he could catch me. I’d be sorry, oh yes…but oh well.

I can’t give Help! I’m Falling For The Vampire Next Door stars or angels or cups or anything, but I can tell you this…I really enjoyed this book. --Raquel Taylor, author of Death and the Maiden